Bagatelle: More Jack, Kam and the Bonny Welshman
by sidlerocks
Summary: The seventh chapter of the ongoing adventures of Jack Harkness, Kam Anders and the crew of the Bonny Welshman. Actually subtitled "The Further Adventures of the Bonny Welshman" but it wouldn't fit...
1. Chapter 1

**Bagatelle: The Further Adventures of the _Bonny Welshman_**

AN:

For those new to the saga of the _Bonny Welshman_, this is the eighth tale set in a universe 500 years in the future, the magnificent creation of Helen Pattskyn. (Here, no one can kill Kam except Helen, and she **_promises_** not to until he is very, very old.) She generously lets me play here. The first six stories are:

**_Forget Not Me_ (Helen Pattskyn)**

**_Interlude: A Tale of Kam Anders_ (sidlerocks)**

**_Intermezzo: Another Tale of Kam Anders_ (sidlerocks)**

**_Janus and Hestia_ (Helen Pattskyn)**

**_Cavatina: Ongoing Adventures of the Bonny Welshman_ (sidlerocks)**

**_The Bonny Welshman_ (Helen Pattskyn)**

They should be read in order.

The seventh story is a one-shot that doesn't really fit in the chronology (or comes last, depending on how you look at it) titled **"What You Can't Leave Behind,"** by **_WickedWitchoftheSE_**—it's very sweet and should be read, but does not directly impact the events in this tale.

A complete listing of Helen's AU verse can be found at the beginning of **_The Bonny Welshman_**. Well worth your time, but also not necessary to enjoy this series of stories. Any historic references to Jack and Ianto's timeline that are non-canon refer either to those works or my own story **_Everything Changes: That First Hydref_**. vb

Speaking of which, when I wrote this, I used Ianto's family from TW canon. Then Helen pointed out that it deviated from his family in her AU. I went back and forth but decided to let the scene stand as written. It's just a little snippet that was floating around my head anyway—I hope it isn't too jarring for fans of the Auverse.

Incidentally, not for the first time Helen and I have written parallel scenes, and again she's generously letting me incorporate hers into mine. The scene in which An goes to talk to Jack at the end of the story is an amalgam of our words and ideas. (The last time we literally alternated the sentences every other and they fit as if they'd been written that way. This time, my scene actually started with the line that went right where she left off. I tell you, these characters KNOW the story they want to tell!) In both cases, the final result is, I think, stronger than the scene either of us had written on our own.

This story carries a very serious "M" rating for physical and sexual brutality involving a child. The 26th century can be a horribly cruel and vicious time, especially on the fringes of known space. I didn't really intend it that way, but Avi was pretty clear about what he wanted to say.

-sr

_**All love that has not friendship for its base,**_

_**Is like a mansion built upon the sand.**_

_**-- Ella Wheeler Wilcox **_

Sweat pouring down his face, Kam Anders pounded across the half-court, pirouetting at the last moment, swinging his body between the ball and that of his opponent, launching himself into the air as he slung the ball up and into the basket. The momentum of his leap carried him sideways, crashing him into the solid form blocking his way and dragging both of them to the ground. Kam landed on top of his nemesis, forcing a loud grunt from the other man.

"Too quick for you, Harkness?" he crowed.

His lover pushed Kam off and onto the floor as he rose smoothly to his feet.

"You wish, Anders!" he growled.

"That was a three pointer," the younger man proclaimed. "I'm up fifteen to ten."

"Or you would be if you hadn't fouled me three ways to Sunday on that play! As it is, the score is ten-twelve and I get two free-throws."

"You're losing it, Old Man! Just what rule book are you pretending to play from?"

"Are you questioning **MY** knowledge of the game? Me? Who played with Jim Naismith?!?"

"Well, first of all, I don't believe you did, and secondly, which of his thirteen rules are you claiming I violated?" A proselyte, Kam had become quite a student of the sport.

"The game has evolved since then!"

"Then don't claim your intimacy with Naismith as the source of your authority!"

"You'd never even heard of this game eight months ago!"

"I'm a quick study." In his mind, Jack heard the echo of a Welsh accent intoning, "I know everything."

The men stood glaring at each other, breathing heavily, then simultaneously lost the ability to keep up the pretence of competitive hostility. Suddenly grinning hugely, Kam told his lover, "You know I'm winning this game, Jack."

"And you know I'm not going to let that happen," he replied in kind.

"Only because you cheat."

"Is that a complaint? I didn't hear you complaining last night when I was cheating at—" His comment was cut off by a sharp, "Jack!" as Kam glanced worriedly around the rec room. The place wasn't full, but Leah Ali was sparring on the mats with Liza Fielding, and Anna Raynor, Avi Stasi and Tom Chibnall sat at a table off to one side apparently playing euchre, although Kam had noted that Chibnall's attention was focused far more on the sparring women than the cards in his hand.

Jack grinned at Kam's obvious discomfort and the younger man flushed as he realized the Captain was trying to get him riled, and despite his complete lack of self-consciousness had never intended to finish that sentence. Kam glowered at the older man, who was struggling to contain his laughter.

"Jack?" Kam asked softly, dangerously.

"Yes, Kam?"

"I love you."

Completely disarmed, Jack dropped all pretence.

"I love you too, Cariad."

The words were just escaping his mouth as Kam plunged past him, grabbed the ball, dribbled twice and then sank another basket from outside the three-point line.

"Eighteen points. I win," he told the slack-jawed Jack smugly.

"What are you talking about? We were playing to twenty!"

"Eighteen."

"Twenty. Who the hell plays to eighteen? Now _you're_ cheating."

"Eighteen. I'm hungry. And I want a shower before dinner."

"Alone?"

"If I say 'no', will you concede the game?"

Panting, Harkness considered his options. Admit defeat in a contest neither man cared remotely about, or be excluded from fun and games with his lover in the shower. A no-brainer. Grabbing two towels from the side of the court and slinging one at the younger man, he griped, "Since when do you play so dirty?"

"I've been taking lessons from the best!"

Jack kind of had to yield that one too.

"It's not always appealing, you know…" he continued to grumble.

"You don't say," Kam replied innocently, and flashing a jaunty grin over his shoulder sauntered out of the rec room, headed for their quarters.

Anna Raynor watched the interplay out of the corner of her eye with amusement. The transformation of Kam Anders from an abused, insecure child to a teasing self-confident man continued to be a pleasure to behold. Anna had opened her heart to Kam from the very beginning, but her feelings towards the captain, as well as many other members of the crew, continued to evolve. Included on that list was one of her current tablemates, Avi Stasi. She glanced over at him to find him watching her warily. Raynor had been a witness to one of the moments in Stasi's life he was least proud of, and he knew that incident coloured all of her thoughts about him. It had to. It coloured all of his thoughts about himself, and about his service on the _Bonny Welshman_.

"Is it my turn, Avi?"

"No, Doc, sorry. It's mine. I was just…"

"What?"

"I was thinking how happy the two of them seem. How happy Kam is. I was enjoying watching them play."

Tom Chibnall, focused entirely on the tae-kwon-do bout on the nearby mats, seemed oblivious to the conversation.

"I was more or less thinking the same thing," she admitted. "And how much Kam has grown since I've known him."

"No thanks to me," Avi muttered under his breath.

"You're what, Avi, twenty-four?"

"Twenty-five."

"I'd make the same observation about you, I think. You're not the same kid who walked up the gangplank onto this ship."

He shuddered at the thought.

"I hope not."

She shook her head firmly.

"Definitely not. Less cocky, less closed off, less hostile…"

"Less stupid," he offered, eliciting a grin from the medic.

"Well, I wasn't going to go THERE, Mr. Stasi," she replied wryly. "I was actually thinking you seem—less afraid."

He shrugged. "When was the last time _you_ didn't feel like you had to watch your back all the time? I think we're all less afraid."

"It's been years," she acknowledged. "A decade, really, I suppose."

"It's nice not to be worried all the time. Easier to get to know people if you're not scared that they're going to knife you for your boots while you're sleeping."

"And yet, of everyone, you seem to still be holding back. More than most, at least."

He squirmed under her gentle gaze.

"Maybe I've been fooled before. It's one thing if you're betrayed, if you're hurt by someone you know is out to get you. It's a little different if you think you can trust someone, if you should be able to trust someone… Makes you doubt your own judgment too, to doubt the goodness in _anyone_, you know."

There was a long pause while she considered her answer. Finally, she settled on being as honest as she could.

"Yes, I do know."

The sincerity in her voice started him, and he looked at her sharply, studying her expression.

"You do, don't you? I—I wouldn't have expected that," he answered simply. "You don't act like—"

"Just because one person betrayed me doesn't mean everyone I know has. We all have histories, Avi. It's the choices you make _**now**_ that form the kind of person you are. This ship—the only thing anyone is going to judge you on is the person you are here, today."

"_And if everyone you knew had?_" he wondered, "_Would you STILL be so open?_" But he kept the thought to himself.

The women across the room ended their match and shook hands laughingly. Chibnall turned his attention back to his tablemates, suddenly aware that he'd been missing something, something important, but without any idea what it was.

"Hey, guys, what's going on? Whose turn is it anyway?" he asked. The medic held Stasi's gaze for a moment longer, then Avi tore it away to reply to his friend.

"It's my turn, Tom. Hold your horses! I'm thinking…"


	2. Chapter 2

_**Love sees sharply, **_

_**Hatred sees even more sharp, **_

_**but Jealousy sees the sharpest **_

_**for it is Love and Hate at the same time.**_

_**--Arab Proverb**_

_**Jealousy is a tiger that tears not only its prey but also its own raging heart.**_

_**--origin unknown**_

"Stasi and the Doc were having a pretty intense conversation while we were playing cards today," Tom mentioned with studied casualness over dinner.

"Oh?" Leah answered idly as she contemplated her sandwich. What was it about Lach that made him capable of creating great food out of such simple things? Of course, fresh tomatoes off the vine never hurt ANY meal.

"Yeah. I wasn't paying that much attention. I was watching you. But I saw Avi—he was watching you too."

"Guess sources of entertainment were pretty limited on the _Welshman_ this evening."

"Seriously, Leah, the part of the conversation I did hear was about him opening himself up, and making choices."

"Tom, just what is it you're trying to say?" Leah asked in exasperation.

"I know he has a crush on you and just wondered if you're being careful when you're around him. Not to encourage him, you know. "

She stared at him.

"You're asking whether I'd lead Avi on? He's my friend!"

"He wants you. And you two spend a lot of time together."

"But I'm not interested in him. And he knows that."

"You took him with you when you went shopping on Omega!"

"Tom! That was MONTHS ago. And in case you've forgotten, he came with me because YOU weren't available because you swapped shifts with Buddy! What, do you think I should have gone alone? Do you remember what happened? What if the Captain's friend hadn't shown up? Thank goodness Avi was there with me! And all this time you've been thinking—what? That we cheated on you up against the wall in some back corridor?"

"I wasn't saying that I don't trust you!" Chibnall exclaimed in frustration.

"Then just exactly what were you saying, Tom? That I'm being seduced somehow without knowing it? That I'm too dumb to understand the difference between friendship and sex? That Avi would make a move on his best friend's girlfriend?"

"I didn't say that! Any of it! I just commented that the two of you seem to be spending a lot of time together recently!" he spat out.

Leah looked at him in amazement, feeling like she'd just been landed on by a space ship. One minute she was happily in the best relationship of her life, and the next she was staring at this stranger with eyes filled with pain, suspicion and antagonism.

"Avi Stasi is my friend, Tom. Nothing more," she said quietly, deliberately. "But I don't have so many friends in my life that I can afford to give one up over your insecure paranoia. So get over it, or move on."


	3. Chapter 3

_**Come, cuddle your head on my shoulder, dear,**_

_**Your head like the golden-rod,**_

_**And we will go sailing away from here**_

_**To the beautiful land of Nod**_

_**- Ella Wheeler Wilcox**_

Kam Anders lay tucked in the crook of his lover's arm, lazily drawing light patterns on the older man's bare torso. The basketball game and shower had led to games which had moved on to their bed, and now the men were stealing a few minutes before night shift began, cuddling in the bed in their cabin, wrapped in relaxed post-coital bliss.

"Jack, can't we just stay right here like this forever?" he asked softly.

"Might get hungry after awhile, Kam," Jack answered equally languidly.

"I'm sure Lach would drop food off from time to time. At least coffee and pineapple."

"Well, Kam, if that's what you want to do, I'm willing to give it a try…"

"Good." He snuggled in closer and Jack laid a gentle kiss on top of his head.

"When you _are_ ready to move, I have something for you," Jack told him idly.

"Really?" Unsurprisingly given their recent playful one-upmanship, suspicion and excitement warred in Kam's eyes, trust and love winning out. "Something—like a gift?"

Jack pondered. "I suppose, kind of like a gift. Maybe 'regift' is a better term. It's—it's not that big a deal. Don't get too excited." But the look in his eyes belied his words. Whatever it was, it was IMPORTANT to him.

"Well?" Kam prodded. With a quick kiss to his lover's forehead, Jack slipped from the bed and rummaged through a trunk Kam had never seen him open. While he watched his lover search, as it so often did these days, the younger man's hand fell idly first to his Torchwood pendant, then to the ring he wore on a chain around his neck.

"I'd completely forgotten that I had this," Jack told him, digging deeper into the trunk. "But as soon as I saw it… I knew he'd want you to have it. Ah hah!" He stood in triumph, holding out a round metal object. Kam took it carefully

"What is it?"

"It's a stopwatch. It times things."

"What kinds of things?"

"Anything you want."

He looked up at Jack.

"This was _his_, wasn't it?"

"His grandfather's, actually."

Gently, Kam clicked the stem, watching the arm sweep around. He clicked the stem again, stopping it.

"It works."

"I couldn't believe it when I saw it. I thought I'd lost it—so long ago. I thought I'd lost—so much of him that you've given back to me. It's not why I love you, but--it's a bonus. A gift you've given me. And I thought, well, this is something I could give to you."

Kam reverently laid the watch down on the bedside table and moved towards his lover.

"You don't need to give me anything, Jack. I already have everything I want." He slid into the Captain's arms.

"And now you have this too," Jack said softly.

Kam was silent for a moment, then kissed his partner, smiling.

"Come to think of it, lots of things you can do with a stopwatch."

With that now-familiar frisson of memory, Jack answered, "I remember a few."

Kam pondered that, then replied seriously, "There's quite a list."

* * *

"Mr. Smeed? We're getting a subspace message," Kai Jennings alerted the first officer to the information appearing on his screen. "It's for the Captain and—Mr. Anders." Smeed looked up sharply at the second piece of intelligence. As significant as Kam was on the Welshman, the boy knew essentially no one outside of the ship's crew.

"Better notify the captain, Mr. Jennings. I'm guessing he's going to be pretty interested to see that message."


	4. Chapter 4

_**This is a call to the living,**_

_**To those who refuse to make peace with evil,**_

_**With the suffering and the waste of the world.**_

_**This is a call to the human, not the perfect,**_

_**To those who know their own prejudices,**_

_**Who have no intention of becoming prisoners of their own limitations.**_

_**This is a call to those who remember the dreams of their youth,**_

_**Who know what it means to share food and shelter,**_

_**The care of children and those who are troubled,**_

_**To reach beyond barriers of the past**_

_**Bringing people to communion.**_

_**This is a call to the never-ending spirit**_

_**Of the common man, his essential decency and integrity,**_

_**His unending capacity to suffer and endure,**_

_**To face death and destruction and to rise again**_

_**And build from the ruins of life.**_

_**This is the greatest call of all**_

_**The call to a faith in people.**_

_**-- Algernon Black**_

"Put the message through to my office, would you, Jimmy?" Jack asked as he reluctantly shrugged into a shirt. In a flash of buried memory, he wished not for the first time that aged salvage ships had the kind of ship-wide state-of-the-art communication systems he'd seen the various captains of the _Enterprise_ enjoying on _Star Trek_. To be honest, The _Welshman_'s communications system was far superior to those of most ships of her type, but only on the bridge and in the captain's office. And not SO much better as to attract unwanted attention. With a sigh, he clicked off the comm and looked over at his young lover still lounging stretched out across the bed they had so recently shared.

"You heard him, Kam. The message is to both of us."

"How can it be to both of us, Jack? There's no one who KNOWS both of us, except the people on this ship and Henry. Do you think it's from Henry?"

"I don't think Henry's ever tried to track me down that way before, but… The only way to find out is to go listen, Kam."

The pilot stretched, catlike, and looked at Jack beseechingly.

"But I'm SO comfortable." He continued to eye Jack with a teasing, pleading expression.

"Yeah, well, I was too, and if I have to go, YOU have to go."

"I'm not the captain."

"No, I am. And that's an order."

Kam grinned at him as Jack struggled to maintain a straight face.

"An order, is it?"

"Absolutely."

"And which kind of order would that be? The kind of order you give on the bridge, telling me where to take the ship, or the kind of order you were just giving me half an hour ago, when you wanted me to put—"

"Kam," Jack interrupted, not wanting to be further tempted. "Please, would you---"

"Yeah, all right," Anders answered more seriously as he rose gracefully from the bed. Making his way to the bureau, he pulled out a clean pair of pants and t-shirt. Jack watched admiringly as his lover slipped clothing over this lean, muscular form. And the sight of that titanium ring around Kam's neck—_his_ ring, the closest he could get to making the kind of commitment that the young man at deserved, the ring he'd used to make exactly that kind of commitment to Ianto five centuries earlier --was still new enough to give him a frisson of pleasure each and every time. Oblivious to his lover's thoughts, the young man asked over his shoulder as he dressed, "Do we have time to get coffee on the way to the office?"

"I can't imagine that two minutes is going to make a difference regardless of what the message is. And I want a cup of coffee every bit as much as you do."

"Not getting enough sleep, Old Man?"

"Well, I have this insatiable young lover, and he's keeping me up nights…"

* * *

Of any guesses Jack might have had as to whom the message could be from, Commander Baker of the Pieri settlement almost certainly wouldn't have made it on his list.

"Captain, Mr. Anders, when we parted ways I had little doubt that we would never see each other again. But then you and your crew took a risk on our behalf, and now we find ourselves in the position of perhaps being able to return the favour. This is not the sort of conversation I hope to have over subspace, however; I'm hoping there might be some way for us to meet face to face."

Jack eyed her thoughtfully.

"I think we can come up with some place, not far off of your trade routes, not obvious to prying eyes. Give us a couple of days to think about it. How should we reach you with the coordinates?"

Arrangements for further communications made, the Captain broke the connection.

"Now what, Jack?"

Harkness looked over at his young partner.

"Okay, Kam. Sit down with Carsten and figure out a place we can meet the commander. And remember, we'll need a cover story."

Anders looked at him, stunned.

"Me?"

"You think you're going to spend the rest of your life taking orders from me? I'm handing over a little responsibility to you. Get used to it," Jack told him with a grin.


	5. Chapter 5

_**We don't accomplish anything in this world alone ... **_

_**and whatever happens is **_**the **_** result of **_**the **_** whole tapestry of one's life**_

_**and all **_**the **_** weavings of individual threads from one to ano**_**the **_**r **_

_**that creates something.**_

_**-- Sandra Day O'Connor**_

"Jimmy, what do you think of Avi Stasi?" Anna Raynor asked. They were in the anteroom of his cabin (a luxury provided for the captain and first officer only) curled up on the couch, reading.

"Hmmm. Is this conversation going to result in me stopping Jack from throwing him out an airlock again?" he asked idly, his attention still largely on _Moby Dick_.

"No, I shouldn't think so."

"Then, other than the incident you observed, I've not had any concerns with Mr. Stasi. He does his job well, is always willing to pick up the slack if someone needs a extra help, gets along with his colleagues and otherwise pretty much keeps to himself. Oh, and while he's got eyes only for the lovely Leah Ali, Liza Fielding wouldn't mind darning his socks, if he would as much as glance in her direction."

"Really?"

"Definitely."

"How'd I miss that?"

"I don't know, but I think that makes you and Stasi the only two people on the ship who weren't aware."

"Hmmm. I kind of wondered why Buddy and Liza hadn't gotten together, you know, before. But now it makes a bit more sense. If she's been pining for Avi all along..."

"Practically from the day they arrived on the ship. As far as I know, they didn't know each other before coming aboard. But why were you asking?"

"I was playing cards with him today. I was just thinking—I don't know him very well."

"I don't think anyone knows him very well. Maybe Leah a little. They seem to be pretty good friends."

"Yeah, and I get the impression that Mr. Chibnall has noticed that too."

Smeed sighed.

"And that's where you get into trouble with shipboard romances. As long as the relationships last and are stable, they add greatly to life aboard a very small ship. But when trouble comes to paradise, boy can they make things a living hell for everyone."

"I would have said their relationship was pretty good."

"Sure. For puppy love between twelve year olds."

"They are young, I know, Jim. But they've also been through a lot. Every one of them."

"Life—survival--on the fringes doesn't necessarily give them the skills people need to maintain a relationship."

"You seem to do all right." He chuckled softly, gave her shoulders a quick squeeze and kissed her on the brow.

"As hard as you're going to find this to believe, I had a good teacher early on."

"Oh?" Anna was stunned by the flash of jealousy that shot through her. And thankful that Jim seemed oblivious to her reaction.

"You might never guess it, but whatever else he is, Jack is fair in relationships," he continued. "What he and Kam have, well, that's more than anything we ever did, but he was always honest with me, always fair. I might have wished he could love me more than he did, and sometimes I would have given anything for him to be more communicative, but he was straightforward about that from the beginning.

When we had conflicts, he never hit under the belt, never took advantage of weaknesses he knew about because of our intimacies, always treated me with respect. That's part of why we've been able to maintain our friendship for so many years.

I've not been in a lot of relationships—not that you'd think I'm some sort of Don Juan anyway—but I've always tried to follow his example. Not a lot of hungry twenty-something year old spacers are lucky enough to have that kind of experience. It seems as if a consensual shag that doesn't result in anyone getting injured or robbed is the pinnacle of successful relationships. Out here, almost everyone wants something from you."

"Not just out here, Jim."

"No, I suppose not." He hugged her tighter again. "But every once in awhile we get lucky. Sometimes very lucky."

"When Pete Davies first mentioned that there might be a berth available on the _ Welshman_—"

"Yes?"

"Well, I was hoping that it would change my life, but never in my wildest dreams could I have hoped for what I've found here, Jimmy."

"Anna—"

"Hmmm?"

Unaccustomed to so baldly stating his feelings, he blushed furiously, but finished the thought. "I didn't realize it at the time, but that day you came aboard? It was one of the best days of my life."


	6. Chapter 6

_**As we express our gratitude, we must never forget **_

_**that the highest appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them.**_

_**-John Fitzgerald Kennedy**_

"Captain?"

Jack looked up from his desk to see the ship's chef hovering at the doorway. Of all the _ Welshman's_ crew, Lach was just about the least likely to darken his door.

"Mr. McLean. What can I do for you?"

"I've been going through the archives, and I came across an old Earth holiday, an American celebration that seemed like something we might want to adopt here on the _ Welshman_, but—I know you know a lot about Earth history. I thought you might be able to tell me whether or not it would be appropriate."

"Let me guess—Groundhog Day? Patriot's Day? Cesar Chavez Day? Guy Fawkes Day? Ramadan?"

McLean looked at him blankly. "No, Captain. This one was called, um 'Thanksgiving'."

Jack looked at him, a surge of emotion filling his throat. Oblivious, the chef continued.

"As best I can tell, people came together with the people who were most important to them and shared a meal. Nothing else, just a meal filled with traditional dishes of the various attendees' backgrounds. A time of fellowship, an opportunity to give thanks for the blessings of the last year. I think the members of this crew have had a lot to be thankful for this last year."

"I think it would be completely appropriate, Mr. McLean. Besides, it's been a million years since I've had roast turkey. Let me know if you have any problems with the synthesizer, would you? I wonder if we might even be able to jerry rig the programming enough to make us pecans…"

"I'll see what I can do, Sir. And thank you." He paused on his way out the door. "This may take me awhile, Captain. I'm going to try to see if I can figure out exactly WHEN Thanksgiving is, but in any case—I'm thinking of this as more of a long term project."

"Mr. McLean, you don't need to explain anything to me. If you want to host a Thanksgiving dinner, I think it would be great. And if it ends up being something you don't want to do, well, maybe we could work on pecans for a pie anyway. I like mine with a layer of chocolate across the bottom."

Jack sat for a long time after Lach left, remembering the first holiday he and Ianto had brought their families together. The memory was unbidden, but arrived in full detail in his mind. Strange how easily the forgotten memories of those golden days so very long ago came back to him since Kam had entered his life. They'd decided to host an American "Thanksgiving" both because the holiday itself appealed to Jack, and while in the winter holiday season, it wouldn't interfere with anyone's other holiday plans. "It was either that or the Winter Solstice," Ianto had confided to his sister. "And Winter Solstice has always been a day Jack and I celebrate together." He didn't mention the magnificent stories Jack told of Druid celebrations of the day, tales he heard year after year, wrapped in Jack's Greatcoat on top of the Millennium Centre. Assuming they weren't busy saving the world or something. Later years they'd included the entire Torchwood team at the Thanksgiving table, but that first year they'd limited it to their families.

Ianto'd introduced Alice and Steven to Rhiannon and Johnny simply as "relatives of Jack's" but they should have known the curious Welsh couple wouldn't leave it at that. Jack, heading in to refill his water glass, had overheard the two women in the kitchen.

"Steven calls Jack 'Uncle Jack'. Does that make him your brother?"

"It's—complicated."

Rhiannon nodded sagely.

"Our family too. Trying to figure out our kids' relationship to Jason, for example. Or Seren for that matter. I mean, Jason is Jack's son, so my brother's stepson and Seren is adopted—I guess that's the same as biologic, really, relative-wise, although, oy! does she remind me of Ianto sometimes!—we just call them their 'cousins' which pretty much works for everyone. And that's what they are really, eh? Kids are amazing, aren't they? Pretty much all they care about is that people love them."

Alice had fought back a smile. She too saw lots of Ianto, and of her father in that precious little girl, even if she still struggled a bit to think if her as her sister. Steven's aunt. But she appreciated that the adoption story would have been easier to explain than Jack's pregnancy, time travel and fiftieth century medicine. Still, she wasn't sure how anyone could look at that little girl and not recognize where she got those remarkable eyes.

"Your kids haven't had any issues with—Jack and Ianto? With them being gay? Being married?" She'd been worried a bit how Steven would react at first, but it had been unwarranted. He idolized his Uncle Jack, so if Uncle Jack loved Ianto, then Steven loved Ianto. And if he hadn't loved him for that, he quickly had come to love the quiet understated man for himself. Alice was working on that too. Jack was larger than life, not just in the way all fathers are to their daughters, although in that way too. But for all of his flaws, he was a real hero. Alice figured the world could use more unapologetically gay heroes.

"Nah. They've got friends with two mums, or two tads. I don't think they think anything more of that than they do when their friends' parents have different colour skin. But—not that it would matter to us one bit, but—Ianto's not gay. And not bi either."

Alice had looked at her curiously. What kind of denial did it take to look at your brother with his husband and not acknowledge his sexuality?

"The first time he told me about Jack, he told me that it wasn't men. It's just Jack. You can understand that, can't you? It's two people finding each other. I think that's kind of nice. And who wouldn't want to be with Jack no matter what? He's like a film star."

_Not so much a film __**star**_, Alice thought to herself. _Stars after all were just people who went to work each day on a sound stage. Jack was more like the characters they played, a real life hero. Larger than life. Extraordinary. _Oblivious to her musings, Rhiannon continued unabated.

"Gwen said the same thing once. Do you know Gwen?" Alice shook her head. Gwen was one member of the Torchwood team she'd not met.

"Well, she works with them. She came to warn us about the 456. Before I'd met Jack. Ianto had just told me about him, so I asked her about Jack. About Ianto. Were they happy. And she said when she first met them, her co-workers were talking about Jack, whether he was gay or not. The women all thought 'no' and the men 'yes', except for Ianto, who said he didn't care."

Later, in bed, Jack had teased Yan endlessly about those two revelations.

"It's true, though, you know. I'll love you forever, Jack."

"And I you. I'll always love you. I'll never forget you."

"And don't forget to empty the bins," Ianto had muttered as he drifted off to sleep.


	7. Chapter 7

_**The leaders who work most effectively, it seems to me, never say "I." And that's not because they have trained themselves not to say "I." They don't think "I." They think "we"; they think "team." They understand their job to be to make the team function. They accept responsibility and don't sidestep it, but "we" gets the credit. This is what creates trust, what enables you to get the task done.**_

_**--Peter Drucker**_

"Mr. Weiss?"

Carsten looked up from his post at the navigation station to see Kam Anders standing at his side, looking decidedly uncomfortable.

"Mr. Anders?" he responded. "What can I do for you?"

Kam shot a hesitant look over his shoulder, at the ship's captain, looking for reassurance, but Jack was pointedly looking anywhere but at his lover. Kam was on his own...

"Would you please accompany me to the Captain's office? I have something I need to discuss with you."

There were few meeting places aboard a ship the size of the_ Welshman_. No real conference or meeting space, outside of the mess and the offices of the Captain and First Officer. The one small conference room the ship had had had been eliminated in the renovations. Jack had suggested his office, and Kam hadn't been able to come up with a good enough alternative to be able to refuse. Over the past several months, he'd grown more comfortable in his role on the_ Welshman_, but he'd never actually been put in the position of giving orders before, and that unfamiliar mantle sat uneasily on his shoulders.

Carsten gave him a curious look.

"Aye, sir." He glanced at Harkness. "Captain? Permission to leave the bridge?"

"Granted, Mr. Weiss," Jack told him, still without looking in their direction. For a moment Carsten wondered if he were seriously misreading something. Was this something he should be concerned about? Had he screwed up somewhere he wasn't aware of? But the shy and apologetic smile Kam flashed him as they headed for the Captain's office didn't seem threatening.

"Kam?" he started to ask, "What—"

"Hang on, Carsten. Just until we get to the office."

As soon as the door slid shut behind them, turned to his friend.

"Carsten, I need your help. We've got to find a place to meet with Commander Baker that won't arouse the attention or suspicion of the Empire. I've got star charts laid out for the areas around the Pieri settlers' most frequent routes, but I'm not a navigator. I need your expertise."

Idly, Weiss noted how Kam's nervousness seemed to flee once he started laying out the problem.

"_As soon as he gets over being uncomfortable giving orders, he's going to be one hell of a commander_," he thought.

Leaning over, he began studying the charts.

"Okay, Kam. Show me what you've done so far…"


	8. Chapter 8

_**The most basic and powerful way to connect to another person is to listen. **_

_**Just listen. Perhaps the most important thing we ever give each other is our attention…. **_

_**A loving silence often has far more power to heal and to connect**_

_**than the most well-intentioned words.**_

_**-- Rachel Naomi Remen**_

It was the sound of soft weeping that drew Buddy Garrison up to the Observation Deck. Afterwards he wondered how he'd managed to hear anything over the hum (such a change from the banging and rumbling when he'd first come aboard!) of the ship's engines because when he drew near, Leah was crying almost silently.

"Leah? Are you okay? What's wrong?"

Mortified, the young spacer first turned away. She'd come to the Observation Deck figuring it was the place on the ship where, mid shift, she was least likely to be discovered.

But Garrison was hardly one to walk away from a friend in obvious distress. Instead of heeding the unspoken request to leave her alone, he moved to the couch and sat carefully beside her. With a single gentle finger, he reached out and lifted her bangs behind an ear.

"Leah, what's wrong, sweetheart?"

The kindness in his tone, in that gesture, was her undoing and she turned to him, sobbing. In the blink of an eye, Buddy found his arms filled with a tear-drenched, blubbering woman. While Garrison was the last person in the universe to feel sorry for himself, since his accident the one major hesitation that he'd had had been with women, worrying that his extensive cybernetic implants would turn them off. While his attention remained focused on Leah, he did note idly that she didn't seem bothered by the metal exoskeleton running up and down his body.

"Shhh. It's okay, I've got you, Leah. You're all right…" he murmured softly as she cried. Gradually her sobs softened and slowed.

"Do you want to tell me what this is about?" he asked kindly.

At first she shook her head, then muttered, "It's Tom."

Garrison was stunned. Tom and Leah had already been an established if new couple when he'd come aboard, and he liked them both, individually and together. He'd thought they had a pretty strong relationship.

"What about Tom, Honey?"

"He said-- He thinks-- He-- He's jealous of Avi!"

"Jealous of Avi? Why?"

"I don't know. Because we're friends! He said we're spending too much time together, that I'm a fool because I don't know that Avi is seducing me!" Tears started flowing again.

Garrison rubbed circles on her back, thinking furiously. Of course, he was aware of Stasi's interest in Leah—they all were--but he also knew the salvage expert well enough to be pretty comfortable that he wouldn't try to break up a stable and happy relationship. And Leah hadn't given him any indication that she was looking around. So the source of Chibnall's insecurities eluded him.

"Leah, why don't you start at the beginning and tell me what happened…"


	9. Chapter 9

_**The loneliest woman in the world is a woman without a close woman friend.**_

_**--George Santayana**_

The only thing Anneke Strickson was looking for was a quiet place to read. Kam and Jack had suggested she borrow a book called _Age of Innocence_ and she'd managed to find a copy on the Captain's shelves. She'd originally intended to find a spot in the reading room but decided she's rather settle somewhere with a view. And on the_ Welshman_, that meant the observation deck. There'd been no sound, nothing to tip her off that the deck was occupied, just an eyeful of Buddy and Leah wrapped in a tight embrace on the comfiest of the couches as she came up the companionway. Leah's head was tucked in against Buddy's neck, his protective, possessive, cherishing hands rubbed reverently against her back. They were so caught up in each other they were both oblivious to the invasion of their space. With tears welling in her eyes, Anneke backed carefully back down off of the observation deck.


	10. Chapter 10

_**Home is the one place in all this world where hearts are sure of each other. It is the place of confidence. It is the place where we tear off that mask of guarded and suspicious coldness which the world forces us to wear in self-defense, and where we pour out the unreserved communications of full and confiding hearts. **_

_**--Frederick W. Robertson**_

Carsten Weiss tapped a finger on the star chart.

"What about here?" he asked Kam. They'd been pouring over detailed navigation information for several hours, trying to figure the best place to arrange a meeting with Commander Baker.

"Yeah, I agree with you. Hidden in an asteroid field, right off of their regular supply route, a couple of known wrecks that haven't been salvaged to death. I don't think we're going to find anything better. Do you think we can get in there without banging up the _ Welshman_ too much?"

"I think that's YOUR job, Big Guy. Mine is to find WHERE to meet and how to get there. _You've _gotta figure out how to get us through the big rocks without crashing."

"Thanks, Pal."

"I have every confidence in your abilities. But Kam?"

"Yeah?"

"If you bang up this ship?"

"Yeah?"

"Roberta will have your ass. She loves this hunk of steel…"

Kam thought about all the things the _ Welshman_ had come to represent in his life.

"Me too, Carsten," he responded quietly.

The older man sobered quickly.

"All of us, I guess, Kam. It's been a long time since I had a real home. I don't want any new dents on her either."


	11. Chapter 11

_**When a friend is in trouble, **_

_**don't annoy him by asking if there is anything you can do. **_

_**Think up something appropriate and do it.**_

_**-- Edgar Watson Howe**_

Leah wasn't sure whether she was more dreading the possibility or hoping it was Tom in the corridor when the door to her quarters chimed midway through her sleep shift, but disappointment more than relief swept through her when she triggered the door to find Avi Stasi standing awkwardly in the corridor.

"Avi."

"Leah, can I come in?"

She hesitated then stepped back, inviting entry. Avi, after all, was her closest friend, and it wasn't as if any of this was his fault.

He waited until the door slid shut behind him.

"You're dressed. I take it you weren't sleeping."

"No."

"I thought you might not be. Leah, I heard about you and Tom." No big surprise. The _Welshman_ was a VERY small ship. "I—well, I—Lee, if any part of this is my fault, I'm truly, truly sorry. I hope you know that I never wished you and Tom anything but the best."

The last of Leah's resolve melted and she wrapped her arms around her best friend. Startled and feeling very much out of his depth, Stasi hugged her back.

"Thank you, Avi. I know that. It's just—I don't know how to go back, how to fix it."

"Do you want to?" he asked gently.

She stepped away and eyed him sadly.

"I don't know the answer to that question either."

He held her gaze, reached a gentle finger out to touch her cheek. "Fair enough. So," he paused, "how're you doing, Pal, really?"

She gave him a shaky smile. "I'm a little ragged, Av."

"I'll bet you are. So, what can I do to help?" His eyes widened as he was struck by an inspiration. "I know just the thing! I found it in the ship's archives." He paused, considering, wishing not for the first time that the _Welshman_ had computer access from the crew cabins, despite his awareness that their quarters represented the lap of luxury for a salvage vessel that plied the uncharted aspects of space. But Kam's quarters, set up as a reading room, had access, and a decent-sized view screen. "I'm guessing the library is pretty empty at this time of day. Should we give it a try? I happen to know that Lach has programmed the food synthesizer to make Coke, popcorn and SnoCaps. We can swing by and pick some up on the way. What do you think?"

He grabbed the quilt off Leah's bed, the one touch of home she'd dragged with her all over the universe, and the perfect thing to bundle her into for the movie, and headed for the door, towing his friend behind him.

His enthusiasm had propelled Leah out into the corridor before she even had a chance to respond. "Avi?!? What are you talking about?"

"_Star Wars_. It's called _Star Wars_."


	12. Chapter 12

_**Men and women belong to different species, **_

_**and communication between them is a science still in its infancy.**_

_**-Bill Cosby**_

The wrench slipped as Buddy Garrison struggled to tighten a bolt and for the third time in as many minutes he bloodied his knuckles on the_ Welshman's_ engine. At least this time he hadn't dropped the wrench.

"Keep that up, Mr. Garrison, and you won't have a hand left."

Grimacing, he turned to face the captain, who was leaning against the engine room door.

"Tell me about it, Sir."

Jack took a few casual steps into the room.

"Funny, in all the time I've known you, I've never seen you bang up your knuckles like that, and now… Something on your mind, sailor?"

For a nanosecond Buddy actually contemplated telling Harkness, explaining how comforting Leah had made him long to hold _another_ woman in his arms, how the fact that his friend had fallen unhesitatingly against him undermined the foundation of the self-protective wall he'd tried to maintain around his heart. If one woman wasn't bothered by his exoskeleton, maybe… But no, he'd seen the possessive arm Kam had slid around Anneke when they all were on shore leave, been aware that Jack had welcomed her into his group, despite the fact that Buddy was fairly certain they'd been off to conduct business, business they hadn't wanted the rest of the crew to know about. And Anneke had made it perfectly clear that she wanted to be friends, and nothing else. Wishing for more could bring him only heartbreak. And since there was nothing Harkness could do to change that…

"No, sir. Just a little clumsy today."

The Captain's expression clearly conveyed that he didn't believe Buddy for one minute, but he didn't challenge the engineer.

"Well, go let the doc take a look at your hand. And if you change your mind, I'm around."

Buddy considered arguing—see the doc for a bloody knuckle?!—but thought better of it.

"Yes, sir. And—thank you."


	13. Chapter 13

_**Let us be grateful to people who make us happy; **_

_**they are the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom.**_

_**--Marcel Proust**_

Lachlan McLean was one tired man when he dragged himself back to his cabin after finishing serving breakfast for the day shift. He'd not seen Kai after his shift, which made him think the younger man had gone straight from the bridge to his bed, counting on sleep to help him kick the cold he'd been suffering for the last few days. Lach understood, but he'd missed seeing him. Recently, despite sharing a cabin, it felt as if they'd barely seen each other. Ships passing in the night more than lovers, partners.

Lach entered the cabin quietly, cautiously, not wanting to wake Kai from much needed sleep. He knew he could slip into bed without disturbing his partner too much, but Kai could be very sensitive to noises or the lights going on. He needn't have worried. When the door slid open, soft music wafted into the corridor and a tantalizing aroma drifted out with it. Curious, Lach slipped though the door.

"Kai?"

"Lach. Long day, eh, Baby?"

"You can say that again. How're you feeling?"

"Getting better. But I'm not the one who's working twenty hours a day, between the garden and the mess. So come in, sit down and put your feet up…"

"What are you up to?"

"Siddown already, Bucko! So impatient!"

With a tired smile, McLean acquiesced. Kai slipped off his partner's shoes, pausing momentarily to gently massage his feet before moving around to rub his shoulders.

Lach had, as was his habit, stopped at the showers on his way from the mess to their cabin, and the warm pulsing water had loosened his tight muscles. His chin dropped to his chest and he gave himself completely to the sensations of the shoulder rub. Kai laughed softly.

"Okay, tough guy—on your stomach. You're going to fall off of the couch if you relax any more."

Kai didn't have to ask twice. As he stretched out, Lach queried sleepily, "So, what is that magnificent smell?"

"It's called 'Imam Bayildi'."

"I've never heard of it. What is it?"

"It's an eggplant dish my granddad used to make, when I lived with him. I was trying to come up with something that you'd like, that I could make here, that consisted mostly of things from the garden. I had to raid the mess for a couple of ingredients, but not much."

"It may be the best thing I've ever smelled." Lach's words were muttered half into his pillow as he fell into sleep. Kai sighed then smiled ruefully. So much for a romantic evening together. "I guess it's a good thing that Imam Bayildi is even better the next day," he whispered. Then he kissed Lach gently on the forehead, pulled a light blanket over him, switched the kitchen unit from warming to preserving, poured himself a glass of the wine he'd opened to allow it to breathe, recorked the bottle, and took his glass with him across the room where their bed stood, with fresh sheets, neatly turned down. "Ah, well…" he told himself. He was pretty sure that Lach had drifted off feeling cherished, and that was really all he'd been hoping for. Well, that and a couple of orgasms, but… He stripped down to his shorts and stretched out on top of the covers, watching his lover sleep and sipping at his wine. Then, not for the first time, Kai Jennings dozed off blessing the day he'd joined the crew of the _Bonny Welshman_.


	14. Chapter 14

_**Nothing takes the taste out of peanut butter quite like unrequited love.**_

_**--Charlie Brown**_

"Tell me again how you did this, Mr. Garrison?"

"Wrench slipped, Doc. I just banged them up some. No big deal."

Anna Raynor eyed him speculatively. There was a lot more to the story here, but so far she hadn't figured out what it was. She would have thought Buddy Garrison would need a lot more than a few scraped knuckles, however painful they looked, to show up in the infirmary. He'd always given the impression that while grateful for the extensive medical treatment he'd undergone, he'd just as soon avoid professional interactions with doctors for a while.

"If it's 'no big deal', then why are you here?"

He rolled his eyes. "Harkness saw me do it. He insisted that I come get them checked out."

"Ah." One piece of the puzzle revealed at least. Although as attentive as Jack was proving to be to the well being of his crew, that still seemed a little excessive. Anna's tone must have revealed her ongoing question, because after a moment, Buddy continued.

"I think he may have seen me do it three times. Including dropping the wrench once when my fingers went numb."

"But you weren't going to come by on your own."

He gave her a long, "you've got to be kidding me" look, and Anna sighed.

"Clearly not. But you're here now, so let's take a look."

She ushered him over to the exam area and seated him next to the bed, with his hand lying flat on its surface. Carefully she ran a scanner over the entire hand and up his arm to his elbow.

"Well, you do have a chip off of the proximal end of the first metacarpal on your third finger. You must have hit pretty hard. I don't see any neurological damage, though. I was afraid when you said 'numbness' that maybe there was a lesion higher up, but…"

"Sometimes some of my implants give me weird sensory—I don't know, ghosts almost. The docs couldn't figure out how to stop them, so I live with it. That may have been what happened."

"Maybe." But Raynor was clearly sceptical. She was no fan of coincidences, temporal or otherwise.

"It's fine now, the sensation. That wasn't even the last time I banged up my hand."

Raynor started working, cleaning up Buddy's hand, and covering the abrasions with a temporary skin before reaching for the bone stimulator. One of the many joyful surprises of serving on the _Welshman_ was the sophistication of the medical equipment, much of which, she had surmised, incorporated alien technologies. Hardly Empire approved, but it worked well, which was all she was concerned about.

"I'm told this feels a little odd," she warned him.

"Not my first night at this dance, Doc. Do your worst."

"So," Anna asked, with studied casualness as she ran the machine over his hand, "since when is Buddy Garrison so distracted that he wracks up his knuckles three times in a morning?"

"I guess I had a lot on my mind today. Nothing very interesting, just—stuff."

"Anything you want to talk about?"

Buddy thought about it for a moment longer than he'd considered telling the Captain, but reached the same conclusion.

"Thanks for the offer, Doc, but it's nothing. Really."

"Okay. If you change your mind…"

"Thanks."

"And remember, the knitted bone isn't as strong as it was—no more punching the engine, all right?"

"Yeah. I'll get Roberta to do all the heavy lifting," he told her dryly. The engineer's post on _Welshman_ was a tough, physical job that required an all out effort by each of the two people who held the post and both Garrison and Raynor knew it. How Roberta had handled it alone as well as she had before Buddy joined the crew was a complete mystery to him, as brilliant an engineer as her knew her to be. He was sure he wouldn't have been able to manage it by himself.

"I thought she did that already," the doc responded lightly, returning his smile. "Take care of yourself, Buddy. You off shift now?"

"Yeah, and I have dates with one hot, long shower and then a soft bed. See ya, Doc. And thanks again."


	15. Chapter 15

_**The jealous are troublesome to others, but a torment to themselves.**_

_**--William Penn**_

"Doc? You got a minute?" A few minutes after Buddy headed out, Tom Chibnall stood hesitantly at the door of the sickbay. "_Practically a traffic jam," _Raynor mused.

"Tom. Of course. Come in." At least SOMEONE wanted to talk to her. She keyed the door shut behind him as he entered. "What can I do for you?"

His eyes roamed the room, looking everywhere except at Raynor.

"I, well, I was wondering…" He faltered and fell silent. The medic waited patiently, finally breaking the silence when it became obvious that he wasn't going to.

"Tom, I can't help you if you don't tell me what's wrong."

With a panicked gleam in his eyes, he finally looked at her.

"I did something really stupid, and I need your advice."

"Ah." She looked at him thoughtfully. "Tea?"

"Sorry?"

"Would you like tea while we talk, or would you prefer coffee?"

"Oh, umm, tea please."

She moved to a cupboard and pulled out a couple of mugs, a teapot and some loose tea. Another of the privileges of the sickbay was instant hot water available at all times. She set the tea to steep and without asking added a generous amount of milk and sugar to both mugs. Emotional dilemmas, in her experience, required sweet white tea. She indicated the settee beside her desk to him, and slid herself into her desk chair. After a minute, Chibnall sat as well. The kid looked so miserable, Anna couldn't help but feel for him.

"I may have—that is—I didn't mean it the way it came out---"

"Tom?"

"Leah thinks I accused her of cheating on me with Avi."

"Why would you think that?"

"I _DIDN'T_ think that. I didn't even mean to suggest that. I was afraid that she didn't realize that Avi had a crush on her. I just wanted her to be careful. This is a really small ship. But somehow the words just came out wrong, and then she got angry, and it got worse, and worse and now she won't even talk to me!"

Anna eyed the distraught boy, considering. The last time she'd tried to give advice regarding affairs of the heart, the inadvertent result had almost torn Kam and the Captain apart. All the same, she could hardly say nothing.

"Maybe you should give her a little time to cool off, space to realize that what she heard and what you said weren't the same thing. Then, after she's had an opportunity to consider it, maybe she'll be more amenable to listening."

"And if she isn't? I love her, Doc. What if when she has time to think about it, she decides she'd really rather be with Avi than with me?"


	16. Chapter 16

_**People grow through experience if they meet life honestly and courageously. **_

_**This is how character is built.**_

_**--Eleanor Roosevelt**_

Kam Anders was unaware that he had reverted to his old habit of biting his lower lip as he concentrated on manoeuvring the _Bonny Welshman_ safely through the asteroid field. He was focused intently on avoiding the hazards between the ship and her destination, praying he wouldn't make a mistake so that Jack would think he'd chosen badly for the meeting place. He was so absorbed that he was unaware of the Captain's approach until he felt a familiar hand fall on his shoulder.

"Relax, Cariad," Jack whispered to him. "You and Carsten picked the perfect meeting place. And you're getting us there just fine. Just take your time."

Harkness felt some of the tension flow from his lover's shoulders. With a last gentle squeeze, he moved back to the command chair.

The _Welshman_ reached the designated meeting place without incident, slipping smoothly in behind the largest asteroid in the field. Ten minutes later a small sleek cruiser rounded the asteroid from the other direction.

"Captain, we're being hailed," An Cho spoke softly from the communications station to Harkness' right. "It's Commander Baker."

"Put her through, Ms. Cho."

"Aye, Captain."

"Commander. Nice to see you. Are you prepared to dock with the _Bonny Welshman_?"

"Ready whenever you are, Captain."

"Our docking port is ready, Ma'am. We'll meet you in the loading bay. _Welshman_ out." Cho clicked off the communications link and Harkness rose from his chair.

"Mr. Anders?"

"Yes, Captain?"

"We're on. Let's go see what the Commander has to tell us."

* * *

Avi Stasi, stationed at the docking port, opened the inner hatch as Jack and Kam entered the loading bay. Moments later the leader of the Pieri settlement emerged through the passageway, a slightly younger, tall, lean, equally tanned woman at her side.

"Captain Harkness, Mr. Anders. This is Lieutenant Billie Gardner, my security chief. Thank you for meeting us like this."

"Lieutenant. Commander. I trust you're well," Jack greeted them.

"Yes, thank you. The Great and Bountiful doesn't have much interest in our little colony, and we'd certainly like to keep it that way."

"Yet you're risking attracting their intention by meeting us."

"Hopefully our precautions will prevent that."

"But it's still a risk."

She tipped her chin once in acknowledgement.

"Our desire to stay off their radar screen does not preclude our recognition of right and wrong. In this world we all have few enough friends. You have shown yourselves to be men of integrity, allies in the fight for justice and liberty. Our sense of honour does not allow us to ignore a potential threat to our friends."

Glancing at Stasi standing by the hatch, Kam spoke for the first time.

"Perhaps we should move this to the captain's office?"


	17. Chapter 17

_**One must be fond of people and trust them if one is not to make a mess of life.**_

_**--E.M. Forster**_

Buddy Garrison poked his head into the rec room, finally spying the object of his search. He'd showered after leaving the sickbay, eaten a sandwich and even caught a couple of hours of shut eye, but when restless dreams woke him, he found more sleep elusive and decided to do something more productive than tossing and turning in his bunk. Tom Chibnall sat at a back table, a game of solitaire spread out in front of him, 'though he seemed to be staring at the wall, ignoring his cards.

"Hey, Tom."

"Buddy."

Being on the same shift meant that Buddy knew Tom, if not well, at least comfortably. He'd always liked the young pilot—funny how much younger much of the crew seemed to him, despite being essentially his contemporaries. Facing near-certain death and dealing with chronic pain had a way of maturing a man, even here on the fringes where childhood was short for everyone.

"Do you have any idea what's going on? What's up with this secret rendezvous?"

"Not a clue, and I'm pretty sure if the captain doesn't want to tell us, I don't want to know."

Garrison considered the other man's response. He'd made the comment idly, looking for an excuse to start a conversation, but had to agree with Tom. It had not been his impression thus far that the captain withheld information from the crew merely for the sake of doing so. In the past, any subterfuge appeared to be intended to protect the crew from being implicated if things went awry.

"Good point. Mind if I join you?"

"I—I don't think I'd be very good company just now, Buddy."

The last thing that Tom wanted was the companionship of his always-chipper crewmate.

"I ran into Leah yesterday. Up on the observation deck."

"She likes to read up there."

"Yesterday she wasn't reading. She was crying."

An expression of pain flashed across Chibnall's face, and Buddy saw tears welling in his eyes before the pilot turned his head away.

"And you're here to what, tell me what a fool I'm being? Beat the crap out of me? Go ahead. God knows I deserve it."

"Actually, I was going to ask if you wanted to talk about it," Buddy replied mildly.


	18. Chapter 18

_**The hero is one who kindles a great light in the world, **_

_**who sets up blazing torches in the dark streets of life for men to see by.**_

_**-- Felix Adler**_

The door to the Captain's office slid solidly shut, and Jack triggered the lock, which latched with an audible clunk. The Captain nodded at Commander Baker.

"You may now speak freely."

She looked at him curiously.

"And before?"

"I would prefer to protect my crew from information that might put them in danger, unless and until it becomes necessary that they know."

"A lack of trust in your crew?"

"I would trust my life to each and every one of them. I do," he paused, and nodded towards Kam before continuing, "WE do, every day."

"There isn't a man or woman on this ship who wouldn't die for Captain Harkness," Anders stated boldly. "It isn't a question of loyalty."

"That's one sentiment I don't plan on putting to the test," Jack told him mildly. "I've lost too many friends in my life."

"You know it's true, none the less," Kam replied, "but that has nothing to do with why the Commander is here."

"Actually, I suppose in a funny way it is," she mused. "It was your consideration for our colony that made us feel obligated to return the favour. It has been my experience that people of honour and integrity often inspire loyalty in those who surround them." She paused, and studied the two men in front of her, then looked at her companion before making a final decision.

"The information we're about to provide you could put someone at terrible risk if it were to be passed on. Just by mentioning him, by giving you information he provided, I'm putting his life in your hands, just as your crew does." She paused and Lt. Gardner picked up the explanation. "There is someone sympathetic towards our colony in a position to know the plans of the Empire. We are kept informed of developments that might affect us, things involving our region of space."

Jack nodded his understanding. The "Great and Bountiful" was hardly an organization to tolerate spies.

Gardner continued, "A manhunt is about to be launched, Captain Harkness, and you are its target."

"Jack?!? For what?" exclaimed his young lover.

"Purportedly it involves the death of a man on Omega Station, but in reality they are apparently looking for an artefact they believe is in your possession."

"An artefact? What kind of an artefact?"

"That our friend did not know. Only that whatever it is, you may have picked it up on your last salvage job. And the GBHE wants it very, very badly."


	19. Chapter 19

_**I have never been especially impressed by the heroics of people **_

_**convinced that they are about to change the world. **_

_**I am more awed by...those who...struggle **_

_**to make one small difference after another. **_

_**--Ellen Goodman**_

_**A hero is a man who does what he can. **_

_**--Roman Rollard**_

After thanking the Commander and her Lieutenant for her intelligence, Jack offered them a tour of the ship and invited her small crew to join the _Welshman's_ night shift for lunch. Taking her companion's hand in a manner which had Kam rapidly reassessing their relationship, Baker turned to Harkness.

"Thank you, Captain, we'd like that."

But pro forma politeness turned to real delight as they took in the amenities of the renovated _Welshman_, from the Observation Deck which had evolved into a comfortable and popular reading room filled with mismatched but inviting overstuffed furniture, to Kam's room, now outfitted as a library, available to all of the crew, to Lach's lush overgrown and productive layered garden and Buddy's incredibly popular rec room. Gardner exclaimed too over Roberta and Buddy's near spotless engine room (as complete a transformation from when they had arrived as anything else on the ship) and the purring behemoth it housed. Leading the tour, it occurred to Kam for the first time how different even the corridors on the ship were—during the cabin renovations, they too had received a fresh coat of paint, making the entire ship feel cleaner, lighter, airier and more welcoming. They paused at the infirmary and invited Dr. Raynor to join them before entering the dining hall where Mr. Smeed already was waiting with the crewmembers who'd been able to get free to eat.

"I have to say, Captain Harkness, I've seen a lot of salvage ships in my time. Never before have I seen one with so much time, energy and space devoted to the well being of the crew. The outside of your ship certainly belies the inside," Baker commented.

"There's a big difference between the needs of spacers who've signed on for six months and have an eye only on the payout at the end, and a crew making a life together," Jack told her. "But this is a working salvage ship, and one that doesn't want to attract any undo attention. Her engines run like a top, but if we spiffed up the outside too much, it would be counter productive. And we're hardly living lives of luxury here. This is a small space housing a big group of people."

"But surely this ship was designed to carry a compliment at least twice as large as your crew! Maybe three times. Correct me if I'm wrong, but it appears to me that each of your people has private quarters…" observed Gardner.

Jack tilted his head in acknowledgement.

"My spacers work hard—as hard as two men each, at least. And in exchange, I think they've earned the right not to live like sardines."

They approached the table where Smeed, Julian and Baker's navigator and pilot were sitting. The first office slid from his seat to pull out a chair for Anna as Jack and Kam did the same for the Baker and Gardner.

"We were about to start without you," Jim stated evenly.

"Kam and I were giving the Commander and Lieutenant a tour of the_ Welshman_," Jack told him, equally casually. "It took a little longer than I anticipated."

"I suppose these days we do have rather more to see than the average salvage ship," Smeed mused. "What did you think of our little kingdom, Commander?"

"I think the crew of the _Bonny Welshman_ is lucky to sail under such a considerate captain," she answered.

"Now that's where you have it completely wrong," Jack told her. "I'm the lucky one. But just wait—you've yet to experience the greatest luxury the_ Welshman_ has to offer. Dinner will be served in just a few minutes, after change of shift. In the meantime, can we get any of you a cup of coffee?"


	20. Chapter 20

AN—The strong warning at the beginning of this story is for THIS chapter. I reiterate—this is a brutal universe, especially for children who are not adequately cherished. I truly had very little to do with writing this. It's Avi's story and he told it to me just as he does to Liza.

--sr

_**Is life so dear or peace so sweet**_

_**as to be purchased at the price of chains and slavery? **_

_**Forbid it, Almighty God!**_

_**I know not what course others may take,**_

_**but as for me, give me liberty, or give me death!**_

_**--**__** Patrick Henry**_

Liza Fielding was enjoying a rare shift off, lingering over a java as her colleagues were rushing through snacks or sandwiches, hoping to get to their cabins for some shut eye or scrambling to get back to their posts on time. Across the mess the Captain, first officer, doctor, Julian and Kam were seated with the crew of the ship they'd rendezvoused with, sipping cups of coffee and chatting. Waves of laughter rolled across the room, though their conversation itself was impossible to hear.

"Mind if I join you?"

The voice was practically in her ear, and she jumped in response.

"Avi! You startled me."

"Sorry, Liza. I assumed you saw me."

"No, sorry. I was—"

"A million miles away, I take it."

She gave him a rueful smile.

"At least that." She indicated the chair across from her. "I really am sorry, Avi. Take a seat."

He did so, then nodded at the Captain's table.

"They all seem to be getting along well."

"Probably a good thing, for all of us."

"Do you have any idea what the meeting was about? Who these people are? Friends of the Captain's, do you think? I was manning the docking port when they came through, but I couldn't tell anything about why they were here."

"I have no idea. You used to room with Carsten. He helped plot our course here. Hasn't he told you anything about this?"

"No, but—I hardly see him any more."

"You're on the same shift."

"But I've got my own cabin now, and he and Roberta are together whenever they're free. They don't exclude me, but—this is a small ship, and I figure they can only have so much time together. So I try to keep out of their way as much as I can."

She eyed him curiously.

"I thought you and Carsten were good friends."

"We get along fine. He's a good man. I like him."

"Don't you think maybe he enjoyed spending time with you? Maybe he misses that."

"Misses spending time with me? He put up with me because we were roommates, but… Face it, Liza. I'm no one special. Not someone people pine for when they don't see me for awhile."

"You sell yourself short, Avi."

"No, I don't, but thanks for thinking it anyway. But what about you? What were you sitting here contemplating when I came over?"

"I really wasn't thinking about much, to tell you the truth. I was watching the Captain and his guests. Wondering what it would be like to zip around the universe in that sleek little ship of theirs."

"Less glamorous than you're thinking, I'll bet. But I heard they're colonists. If you really long for the life they're living, I'm guessing they need more settlers. You could probably go back with them. Get to check out that little vessel up close and personal."

She looked at him in astonishment.

"Did you think I was suggesting that I'm not happy here, Avi? Because I've tried that route: the marriage, the colony, and you know what? I failed. Failed miserably. The _ Welshman_—this is the first place I've felt at home since I left school when I was fifteen!! I LOVE this old scow. I can admire their little runabout, but I'd not trade my job for a berth on her for anything."

Avi shook his head in frustration. He didn't seem able to hit the right note with anyone these days, except maybe Leah, and in her case it was the fact that they DID communicate well that was causing her trouble. They'd both been up on the bridge tinkering with one of the sensors at the end of shift, and had walked to the mess together. At the entrance to the hall, Leah had peeled off to go sit with Roberta, but not before bidding Avi a cheery "May the Force be with you" as she walked away-- just as Tom came around the corner, late, headed for the bridge at a half run. Avi wasn't sure Leah had even seen him, but _**he'd**_ not missed the glowering look the young pilot had cast his way. Which was largely the reason he'd chosen to join Liza at the table where she was sitting, as far from Leah and Roberta as possible. He couldn't piss anyone off by sitting there, could he? And then apparently he had anyway.

"I'm sorry, Liza. I didn't mean it that way, not the way it sounded. I'd hate it if you left. I just meant-- well, I don't know what I meant, other than that you've never seemed like someone who had to be here, you know? Like someone on the run from something. I just meant that if you wanted a more normal life, maybe a safer life, well, that's something that would be open for you."

"But not for you? Is that what you meant?" His silence answered her question. "Avi, there's no reason you couldn't have that life if that's what you wanted. Settle down on a colony somewhere, make a family…"

He gave a strangled laugh. He began talking, and once they started, the words wouldn't stop. They were softly spoken, precise, clipped, rapid, unemotional and relentless. He looked down at the table, and didn't raise his eyes once during his recitation.

"I wouldn't know the first thing about doing something like that, Liza. I've always lived on salvage ships and freighters. My mom, she was raped by her stepfather, then kicked out by her mom when she got pregnant. She was fourteen. She did the best she could, but she had to make a living somehow, and she didn't have a lot of skills. Hard for a pregnant fourteen year old to make a living in the back alleys, other than by doing the one thing that bastard had taught her to be good at.

But turning tricks got even harder when she started to show, and she had to move on to darker alleys, less discriminating johns, higher risk situations. Somehow she caught the eye of the captain of a freighter who didn't want to sleep in an empty bed on a long haul trip—eight years, round trip. I think he must have looked like a real saviour to her—three squares, a bed even if not to herself, and only one man to satisfy.

I don't think it occurred to her that she would be totally isolated, completely at his mercy, and despite everything that she'd been through I doubt her imagination was up to the task of anticipating his sadism. If she'd been older, more experienced, less desperate she might have wondered at a man who found a pregnant fourteen-year-old street kid so interesting, but she wasn't and she didn't. It seems to me her biggest appeal for him was that she wouldn't be missed.

Her last five months must have been sheer torture. She didn't write much about it in the diary she kept, the diary a crewmember hid away and kept for me when disposing of her things. I've only heard a little of what happened, and that was enough to make me vomit. She died haemorrhaging after he'd kicked her hard enough to knock the placenta loose. I still don't know how I survived that. I was early, I was little, I was very sick. There was a medic on the ship, not like Anna, just a guy with a little first aid training and some bandages, but he took me from her body, figuring I was dying, but that at least he could keep me warm, hold me while I died. Only I didn't.

It was months before anyone else even found out that I'd survived, and by then I was a pretty sturdy little guy. The captain bitched about the extra expense, but even he apparently wasn't quite up to tossing me out into deep space. I made it to fifteen months before I got in his way and he kicked me across the passageway into a bulkhead for the first time. The first of many, many times.

The crew worked hard to keep me out of the captain's way. They almost all kind of adopted me, but it was a small ship, at least the crew's portion, I was an active toddler, and the captain was one of those guys who showed up anywhere, anytime to make sure nothing was going on under his nose. I think the crew's protectiveness gave him even more pleasure in hunting me, hurting me. Sometimes I think he actively sought me out, just to go after me. Broken bones were part of my every day life. I ate scraps smuggled out of the mess by the crew, because the captain said he wasn't going to waste precious food on a dead whore's useless bastard.

When we reached our destination, the medic, Charlie, he tried to find someone to take me at the colony we were supplying, but it was a small colony, without a lot of resources, and no one wanted a three and a half year old running around underfoot. So I was stuck.

The rapes started when I was four. The first time, the captain came down to the infirmary, grabbed me by the arm, dragged me to his cabin, pulled down my pants, bent me over the bed and penetrated me. No words, no preparation, no emotion, no nothing. It hurt more than anything that had ever happened to me, but he didn't react to my screams at all, just pounded and pounded and ripped until he was done. I bled for days. When he pulled out, he turned me around and stuck that THING into my mouth, down my throat, told me to quit crying and suck. Said it was about time I started paying for my room and board.

Charlie in particular tried to protect me, but the captain's brutality wasn't limited to women and kids. I was six when he was beaten to death in front of me for some minor infraction. By that time the captain had moved on to someone else, a kid a lot like Kam was when he came aboard the ship. Not a Cyprian, I don't mean that, but young, frightened, beautiful, vulnerable. Maybe the captain had been on him from the beginning—I don't know. But at some point he turned the majority of his attention to him. Not that he left me completely alone, but for the most part he made it clear that I was available to service the rest of the crew. Men who had bounced me on their knees started calling me to the bunkroom for fucks and blowjobs. Not most of them, but a few. Too many. And in between, I was put to work with a cutting torch, breaking down some of a load of salvage we were bringing back from the colony.

The spacer who took me off of the ship when we got back sold me to the captain of a salvage ship, telling him I was good with a torch, and could fit in very, very small spaces. He'd been one of the people who had taken care of me, protected me as much as he could, smuggled food to me for more than seven and a half years, one of the good ones; he'd even taught me to read and do sums, and he pocketed the money and walked away with out a backwards glance.

The new captain wasn't a bad man, not cruel or twisted. But he didn't have any particular interest in me either. I had a bunk in a bunkroom, and ate with the rest of the crew. I was expected to work 18-hour shifts with everyone else, but I received no salary. I belonged to the captain. There were a couple of members of the crew who sporadically continued my education. One even gave me a book to keep. And for the most part they left me alone, although as men came and went, a few took advantage.

And then the captain picked up another kid, Luke, because I was getting too big to crawl into the smallest, smallest spaces, and _I _took advantage of him. I wasn't the first, and I wasn't cruel, I didn't hurt him, not physically, not like had been done to me, but--you have to remember, I was a kid, and I'd never really seen people interact with kids in any other way. And the first officer got off on it. I came to realize that he created situations where we would be alone together, and sometimes he would call us to his cabin and have us—do it—while he watched. Then he would send me away and keep Luke there. Those nights, if Luke came back to the bunkroom, he was almost always crying. I used to pretend I was asleep. I became the monster I had most feared.

When I was thirteen I was sold again, to another salvage ship. By then I really could haul my own weight, and I was an expert at avoiding unwanted attention, staying below everyone's radar. It was hard work, dangerous work, but just work. Long hours, hot, dirty, noisy, smelly places. We lost several members of the crew to various accidents, but I was agile and strong, and had been wielding a torch for a long time. I survived. And when I was seventeen, I ran away.

This time I signed onto a ship on my own, with a contract, and a salary. I chose which ship, not that there really is a lot of difference between them. But it was the first time I'd ever just been a member of the crew like everyone else. There were more women on that ship than on the ships I'd been on previously, the first time I'd actually had contact with girls my own age, doing the same kinds of jobs. It's horrid, but I hadn't really thought about girls as, well, people before. Someone I could be a friend with. Actually, I don't think I'd ever really had ANY kind of friend before. And then I realized, I really didn't know HOW to make friends, so mostly I stayed quiet and watched. I _wanted_ to be ordinary, to be like them, but I also knew that if they knew about me, about what I was, what I'd done, they'd despise me. So I kept my mouth shut and did my job. That was the best time in my life up until then. The first time I ever felt even a little safe.

My next job was on a ship with Ruegar Hannix, and a Cyprian whose contract the Captain had purchased to keep the crew—satisfied. I don't know anything about her history, but she seemed content enough with her job. I'd never been with a woman before. It was different, softer. And different too not being forced or forcing. At least that's how it seemed at the time. As far as I know, no one hit her. I don't think the captain would have tolerated that. So I assumed she was there of her own volition. Now, knowing more, knowing about Kam, now it doesn't seem right, but then--I didn't really think about it from her point of view. I just liked being able to go, and see her, and get off whenever I wanted.

I wasn't there long, and afterwards I was on a series of short hauls on various salvage ships. Some better, some worse, but I kept quiet, kept my head down, my nose clean, and kept moving on. I ended up on Omega, met Pete Davies who helped me find work when he could, ran into Hannix from time to time. We've never been friends, but you know how it is when you run into someone you've served with. You get a drink, exchange some bits of information, go your separate ways. I ran into him after Harkness kicked his off the ship, heard his side of the story. And then I was offered a berth on the_ Welshman_, and here I am.

This ship, she's a miracle, and the kind of miracle that doesn't come twice in a man's life. That life you're talking about on a colony? That future doesn't exist for me. The best I can hope for is that the Captain never throws me out an airlock. I can't imagine a better future than that. It's heaven—not being afraid all the time. And even if I could fantasize about something else, I don't deserve it."

The words poured out of Avi completely unbidden, in a torrent, protected by the pocket of privacy created by the level of noise and activity and levity in the rest of the room—people eating, chatting, laughing. He looked up at Liza to see tears streaming down her face.

"I've never told anyone any of that before. Any of it. Ever. I don't know why I just told you. Certainly not to make you cry. I just want you to understand—no matter how much I might want something like that, I can never have it. I'm not, not normal like the rest of you. I don't know how to be."


	21. Chapter 21

_**I understand now that the vulnerability I've always felt **_

_**is the greatest strength a person can have. **_

_**You can't experience life without feeling life. **_

_**What I've learned is that being vulnerable to somebody you love**_

_**is not a weakness, it's a strength.**_

_**--Elisabeth Shue**_

How he kept it together long enough to stride normally from the mess hall Avi Stasi would never be sure. He could feel a gaping maw opening in his chest, as if a jagged blade had been thrust through his sternum, into his heart, and twisted.

By the time he reached the shower room, he was bent over, at a dead run, in a cold sweat, heart pounding, hyperventilating, endlessly grateful that he had encountered none of his crewmates along the way. Ducking into the empty room, Stasi slammed the bolt home behind him, locking out anyone else in unlikely search of a mid-shift shower.

Stripping off his clothes, he moved under the pounding spray. What on earth had he been thinking? Actually, he hadn't been thinking at all. He'd never made a decision to tell his story to Liza, the words had just erupted out of him, unbidden. Memories he'd forced from his conscious mind had bubbled to the surface and spewed forth involuntarily.

Gasping, body wracking sobs shook his frame as he slid down to sit under the shower, endless rivers of tears pouring from his eyes to be washed away by the scalding water.


	22. Chapter 22

_**If you were all alone in the universe with no one to talk to, no one with which to share the beauty of the stars, to laugh with, to touch, what would be your purpose in life? It is other life, it is love, which gives your life meaning. This is harmony. We must discover the joy of each other, the joy of challenge, the joy of growth.**_

_**--Mitsugi Saotome**_

As soon as the Commander was headed back to her ship, Jack called Smeed and Kam to meet in his office. Quickly he related their visitor's warning to his first officer.

"Something we picked up on our last job?" Smeed queried.

"That's what she said."

"But--" he thought back. "It was just a routine salvage. Pretty much sheet metal, structural beams, some electronics. A few things from crew cabins. Nothing fancy, or unusual. Most things of value had burned up in the fire that killed the crew."

"How much salvage do we have?"

"About five storerooms, but most of that's raw materials. The other stuff, it's catalogued and boxed. It's all in one storeroom."

"Well, I guess that's where we start…"

The search was methodical, lacking the frenzy of the hunt for Ladrii dung beetles, but similarly organized, using small teams working in three-hour shifts each morning and evening to go through the crates. Either Jack, Smeed or Julian was always present, doing their share, but also keeping an eye on what their crewmembers were pulling from the crates, constantly searching for anything that didn't seem to fit. In the meantime, the _ Welshman_ headed out, moving further into the uncharted parts of space, further from the reach and influence of the Great and Bountiful Human Empire.

"How far do you think we're going to need to go, Jack?" his partner asked him. They were standing on the observation deck, staring out into space.

"I'm not sure I know the answer to that, Kam. At least our stores are full, and we're producing most of our own food these days. For now we're going to turn our backs on the Empire and," he paused, gesturing at the stars, "'Second to the right, and straight on till morning.' But I'm not planning on spending the rest of my life on the run from the Empire, a million miles from any vestige of civilization."

"It would be okay with me, if we did that," Kam replied softly. "Everything I want, everyone I need is on this ship."


	23. Chapter 23

_**Soul meets soul on lovers' lips.**_

_**--Percy Bysshe Shelley**_

"Hey, Roberta! Got a sec?"

Weiss furtively slipped through the entry into the engine room.

"Carsten! What are you doing here?" she demanded with a smile, slipping into his arms. "Aren't you supposed to be on the bridge?"

"Captain sent me on an errand. I've only got a second, but I figured it was enough time to grab a smooch from my best girl." And with that, he took her lips in a confident, sensuous kiss. Both were breathing a little heavier when the broke apart.

"Do you have any plans for after shift?" he asked her. They'd both been on the search team going through the stored salvage the morning before. Today the team of Cho, Ali and Stasi was up. Once shift was over, they were free.

"Well, I was figuring I'd grab something to eat…"

"Want company?"

"Hmmm." She pretended to consider the possibility. "Well, I don't know. What exactly did you have in mind? I've been reading a book Mr. Smeed recommended called _A Tale of Two Cities_, and I was kind of hoping to get back to it."

"Oh, well, in that case…"

"Don't be daft. Of course I want to eat with you." Her expression stilled suddenly. "But Carsten, have you talked to Avi recently?"

"Just to say 'hi' as we pass. If I didn't know better I'd say he was avoiding me. Why? Is something up?"

"It's just—I saw him in the mess hall, eating with Liza, and they were into something that looked really hot and heavy, really an intense conversation, and then when I glanced over later, it looked like Liza was crying. But I was eating with Leah, and with things they way they are, I didn't really feel like I could ask her about Avi. By the time Leah left, Liza and Avi were both gone."


	24. Chapter 24

_**Poker is to cards and games what jazz is to music. **_

_**It's this great American thing, born and bred here. **_

_**We dig it because everybody can play. **_

_**--Steve Lipscomb**_

"Come on, Harkness! Put up or shut up!" Kam growled impatiently. The 3-hour night shift search through crates of salvage had been concluded for the morning, and the command crew had gathered in the Captain's cabin for a game of Five Card Stud.

"Hold your horses, Anders. I'm thinking," the older man replied.

"No wonder it's taking so long, Jack. I know how tough that is for you," Julian chimed in.

"Watch your tongue, Jule, and show some respect! I used to change your diapers, you know."

"And maybe that's why he knows you so well," Smeed commented.

"Captain—are you in or out?" queried Anna Raynor.

"Et tu, Doc? What is this, Pick-On-Jack day? I knew poker night was a bad idea!"

"What are you talking about? It was YOUR idea!" protested Kam. "Besides, I'm having a GREAT time!"

"I'll bet you are, you card shark!" Jack grumbled, but the look he exchanged with his lover was warm, tender and intimate, belying his tone. Poker night HAD been his idea, and frankly it was turning out to be a brilliant success. A bond was developing between the members of his "inner circle", gradually eroding the suspicions his first officer and ship's doctor still harboured towards the newest member of the crew. In his cabin they relaxed, let their hair down, told stories, gossiped. In this venue Julian was starting to earn the trust of the rest of the_ Welshman's_ officers; it was here that friendships were developing and deepening, and here that his overly protective descendant had finally come to truly recognized the depth of Jack's relationship with Kam.

Besides, Kam loved it. Partly because he turned out to be quite a good poker player, and the game brought out his rarely seen competitive instincts, but mostly because it was yet another reminder that, for the first time in his life, he was surrounded by friends. And that alone would have made poker night an unqualified success, no matter how much harassment Jack had to put up with.

"Jack!"

"All right. I'll call, and raise you five." He tossed a chip into the kitty.

"Ooooh! Big spender!"

"It's to you, you grifter!"

"Call."

The door chime sounded, and Jack called out "Come in!" without looking up from his cards. The door slid open, and, arms full of tray, Lachlan McLean entered.

"I thought you all might be getting peckish," he explained. Kam rose from his seat to help Lach lay out the overflowing platters of food in the kitchenette. Jack glanced at his wristband.

"Shouldn't you be off duty, Mr. McLean?"

"I am just as soon as I finish here, Sir."

"In that case, want to pull up a chair and join us?"

"Thanks for the invitation, Sir, but I'm hoping to surprise someone by getting back to my cabin at a reasonable hour for a change, so I'll respectfully decline."

"Some other time, then. You and Kai. And Lach—"

"Sir?"

"Thanks for the grub."

McLean gave a small nod of acknowledgement. "I did a little research, Sir. I don't think it's really 'Poker Night' if you don't have sandwiches and snacks."

"Well, I really appreciate it."

"You're welcome, Sir."

Kam waited by the food until the door slid home behind the ship's chef.

"Okay, we've got sandwiches, chips, pretzels, veggies with dip—quite a spread! Who wants what?"


	25. Chapter 25

_**Your bones have been my bedframe**_

_**and your flesh has been my pillow.**_

_**And I'm waiting for sleep.**_

_**--Ani Difranco**_

"Kai? You home?" Lach had hurriedly set up a cold buffet and ducked out, hoping to steal a couple of hours with his partner without falling asleep this time.

"Lach! What are you doing here?! I wasn't expecting you for hours!"

The younger man stepped eagerly into his lover's arms, greeting him with a warm kiss.

"I thought we might try again—this time with me awake. You have plans this evening?"

"None that didn't get cancelled fifteen seconds ago," he replied with a smile.

Lach held up the package he carried.

"The Iman Bayildi was delicious—I actually was going to ask if you'd be upset if I served it for the whole crew sometime—but I thought this time we might try actually eating something together, if you're hungry."

"That sounds good, but—how hungry are you, right now?"

"I could take it or leave it. Why?"

"Because there are other appetites I'd rather satisfy at the moment, if you're interested. While you're awake. Will what you fixed keep?"

"I guess we'll find out," Lach answered, sliding the package into the kitchen unit, and turning back to his lover.

"So, Mr. Jennings, just exactly what did _you_ have in mind?"

Kai answered with a hot, hungry kiss.

"I've missed you, Lach," he said softly, shyly, when they finally pulled apart, panting, hearts pounding.

"Me too, Kai. I'm sorry it's been so busy—" but Jennings interrupted, shaking his head.

"No, I'm not blaming you, not looking for an apology. My hours have been every bit as long as yours. I know how busy it is, how important you are to this crew, and I wouldn't change that for the world. It wasn't a complaint. I just wanted to let you know—I miss you when we're not together. That's just a fact, not a recrimination. I miss you."

"I miss you too, Lover. But at the moment…?"

"Yes?"

"I'd rather show you than tell you."

He felt rather than saw Jennings' smile as their lips met again, then the pair was tumbling to the bed, frantically searching for skin under clothing. Garments fell in a hodgepodge across the floor—boots meeting underwear meeting shirts meeting socks meeting pants. And then they were side-by-side, skin against skin, pausing in the midst of their hurry to explore bodies well known, but recently absent and yearned for.

"I hope you're really not too tired, Mr. Jennings, because frankly, I don't think you're going to be getting much sleep tonight."


	26. Chapter 26

_**I do not seek. I find.**_

_**--Pablo Picasso**_

On the third day of the search, digging through boxes, checking contents against inventory lists, Buddy Garrison found an object that didn't belong.

"Mr. Smeed? I think I may have something."

The captain swooped in, Kam and Julian on his heels. Over the past couple of days, Kam had begun wondering if they were looking in the right place.

"_Jack? Are you sure the object is something from our _last_ salvage job? Couldn't it be—" even though they were alone in their cabin, he glanced around before dropping his voice to a near whisper and continuing, "that object you found in your friend's cabin on the_ Janus and Hestia_?"_

_But Jack had shaken his head. "I've wondered that too, but I just don't see how it could have been. John had it for so long before we recovered it. How could the GBHE possibly have known…"_

And now it looked as if he might have been right. Again.

"What do you have, Mr. Garrison?"

The big engineer indicated a sleek two-handled device lying in the crate where he had discovered it.

"I haven't touched it, Sir, just opened the box it was in. The lid was tough to open, and on the inventory just the box is listed. It may be that whoever packed this crate wasn't able to open it. Not without…" He held up his arm, indicating the exoskeleton that enhanced his upper body strength. "But it, it doesn't fit with the rest of this stuff. The rest is basic, utilitarian, old, beat up, recognizable. This—I don't know what it is, but it's beautiful. I've never seen anything like it." He moved away, allowing access to the open crate. The new arrivals crowded closer, peering into the crate. Kam gazed at the alien-looking device carefully nestled in a tin box, then glanced up at his companions. Julian Kyle's face bore the same blank lack of recognition that he was sure was plastered across his own mug, but Jack, Jack's expression seemed more—pensive.

"So, do you know what it is, Old Man?" Jule asked, not taking his eyes off of the device.

"No. I've never seen one before," the Captain answered. He looked up at the trio of crewmembers who had been engaged in the search. "Good work, Mr. Garrison. But I think it pays to be thorough. Let's keep going through the rest of the crates. With careful attention to anything that came from the same quarters as this box." He glanced over at the rest of the room's occupants. "And let's move this to my quarters, shall we?"


	27. Chapter 27

_**Those with the greatest awareness have the greatest nightmares.**_

_**--Mahatma Gandhi**_

Liza Fielding sat bolt upright in bed, drenched in sweat, panting, heart pounding, feeling as if she'd been punched in the gut. A sudden wave of nausea swept through her. She made it as far as the waste receptacle before emptying her stomach of everything she'd eaten, seemingly everything from the last three months. The tendrils of the dream dug deep into her brain and refused to ease. Another wave brought up a pool of gastric acid from her otherwise empty stomach.

The screams of four-year-old Avi as he struggled uselessly against the ship's captain still echoed through her head. She felt his terror. Shared his agony. She'd had nightmares before, but nothing like this one, none that failed to ease upon awakening. None where the reality of the situation when she roused was every bit as horrid as the dream.

Life on the fringes of space was difficult for everyone. Liza had heard horror stories, lived through some of them herself, but none had chilled her to the core the way Avi's had. Not even what she knew about Kam's history, and that was bad. Really bad. But what amazed her the most was how normal, intact Avi seemed, at least on the surface. Of course, they all had noticed that he kept largely to himself, but not abnormally so, not excessively, not as much as An did, for that matter. Just—it just seemed that he was kind of a private person. Certainly he and Carsten got on well enough. Better than that. She knew Carsten thought very highly of Avi and was missing spending time with him now that they weren't sharing quarters. But other than that, and the awareness she had had that _something_ had gone down between Avi and Kam, there had never been _anything_ that seemed off about Avi. She'd been attracted to him from the beginning, not just to his looks, which were nothing to sneeze about, but to the quick way his mind worked when the Captain had asked them to plan the salvage of the _Janus and Hestia_, to his work ethic, to the little kindnesses he did for crewmates, covering shifts, helping out in lots of little ways. She was convinced, no, she KNEW he was a good man. But she'd never have guessed at the torments he kept hidden inside.


	28. Chapter 28

_**What is love? Love is when one person knows all of your secrets... your deepest, darkest, most dreadful secrets of which no one else in the world knows... and yet in the**__**end, that one person does not think any less of you; even if the rest of the world does.**_

_**--anon**_

"Avi?"

As he struggled up from restless dreams, Stasi tried to remember whether anyone had ever used the door comm to his cabin before. Certainly Roberta had when he and Carsten were rooming together, but she'd been looking for his roommate, not him, so he didn't think that counted. So of course, the first time it happened, the person on the other side of the door was the person he least wanted to see. He considered pretending that he wasn't there, but the_ Welshman_ was too small a ship. It wouldn't take her long to figure out that he wasn't anywhere else.

"Hang on, Liza." He scrambled from his bed, pulling a clean tee shirt over his bare torso and, running a hand through his sleep-tousled hair, made his way to the door.

"What can I do for you?"

"Avi—can I come in?"

Moving back, he allowed her entry into his cabin.

"I feel like you've been avoiding me."

"I wanted to spare you the trouble. I'm surprised you're willing to be alone in a room with me," he told her neutrally.

"Why?"

"Because now you know what I am."

"Avi, now I know some of the things that have happened to you. I've always known what you are. I've always known you were a good man. And like all of us, that you had some sort of past. I just never guessed…"

"How can you still say that, now that you know…?"

"Avi, you were a brutalized little boy who somehow, without any help for anyone as far as I can tell, grew up to be smart and loyal, generous, kind, and brave. Those aren't things you can fake. There isn't a person on this crew who doesn't feel grateful to serve with you."

He laughed desperately. "Yeah? Just ask Kam, or the Captain. You'll hear a different story."

"No, I won't. I know something happened between you, early on. I don't know what it was, but I do know that whatever it was, it's history to those two. Harkness is very protective of Kam. If either one of them didn't want you here now, you would NEVER have been offered a long-term contract. Plus he's building something, and he's been very careful about the people he's chosen.

I know that Leah considers you her best friend, and that Carsten and Roberta can't figure out why you're avoiding them. I heard Smeed tell the captain that you're the most reliable member of this crew, and while it wouldn't be in a lot of places, on this ship, that's saying something.

It's amazing that you survived the things that happened to you. No one would blame you if you had grown up to be the monster you seem to think you are, but Avi, that's not the man I've served with. That's not the man I know. It's not the person you've become. Your past, that's your past. We all have one, although most, as bad as they are, pale compared to the story you told me. But those are the things that have happened to us. You are now the person you choose to be, and that guy, that guy is quite something. I just wanted to tell you that." She reached up a hand to gently caress his cheek, and then stood on tiptoes to lay a kiss on the spot she had touched before turning to leave. Avi stopped her with a tentative hand on her arm.

"Liza? Why did you do that?"

"What, Avi?"

"Kiss me?" He turned her gently to face him, but she was looking down at the floor and wouldn't meet his eyes. "You should be running in horror from the things I've done. I brutalized a little boy. You want to know what I did to Kam? I tried to take advantage of him, of his—skills. I'd heard from Hannix… I thought… But that's no excuse. I would have… I thank the stars the doc showed up when she did, even if I know she'll never forgive me for what she heard. But instead you show up here, and you kiss me. Is that because you feel sorry for me? Because I don't need your pity."

With that she raised her head, and looked straight into his pain-filled eyes through the tears brimming in her own.

"What I feel for you, Avi, it isn't about pity. I wish all of those things had never happened to you, but my feelings for you were well established before I ever heard about them. I know I'm nothing compared to Leah. Not as young, not as pretty, not as—cheerful all the time. My life hasn't always been a cakewalk, and it shows. I know how much you feel for her and that you won't ever have those same feelings for me, but, well, I'm not here because I feel sorry for you. Don't ever think that." For the second time in as many minutes she turned towards the door, head down, eyes filled with tears. But Avi's hand was still on her arm and he tightened his grip slightly, not hard, not so she couldn't pull away, but enough to transmit his desire for her to stop. And against her better judgment, she did.

"Liza, Leah doesn't have anything to offer that you don't. You can't think that! I think you're every bit as pretty, and that you've lived through things, that adds to your appeal, not detracts. But she's involved with Tom, a good guy, a good relationship. There's no risk to me in falling for her, because she's never going to want anything from me, so I'm never going to fail her. She's safe. I can—love—her without getting hurt. And without hurting her. Or that's what I thought before her current fight with Tom. But you—I had no idea. It would never have occurred to me that I might have had a shot with you. Although I guess I'm glad of that now."

"Why do you say that?"

"Because now, now that you know, now that I have no chance, now there's no risk that I'll hurt you either. And believe me, Liza, hurting you is the absolute last thing I would ever, ever want to do."

"And if you had known before?"

"Then I think, despite everything, despite my better judgment, I would have tried to make something with you. Because you're everything I could ever dream of. You're like that life on the colony—something beyond my grasp. And if I had, even for a little while, pretended that maybe I might have been able to have just a taste of it—it would have killed me when you found out, when you ended it. And you would have, because I cannot be the man you need, the man you deserve. I don't know how to love someone, Liza. I've never had the chance."

"And if you did now?"

He shook his head sadly.

"It's useless talking about things you can't have. Dreaming about them. Better to focus on the good things in life, and not unattainable things."

"I'm not afraid of you, Avi. And I'm not as sure as you are that we'd be doomed to failure. I don't know for sure that it would work. We both come here with a lot of baggage. The ghosts and regrets are not all yours. Unlike you, I _have _tried before, and failed. But I'm also not as afraid as you are. I guess I see Kam and the Captain finding each other and it makes me believe in miracles. I'm not going to push you to do something you aren't ready for, but I'd be willing to give it a try if you were."

This time as she turned away, Stasi's hand fell from her arm and she left the room, unimpeded.


	29. Chapter 29

_**May the dreams of your past be the reality of your future.**_

_**--Unknown**_

"So, what is it, Jack?"

Back in their cabin, the captain turned the object over in his hands cautiously while his lover, first officer and however many greats-grandson watched.

"I don't know, Kam."

"But it looked like…" Kam stopped abruptly, biting his lower lip. He hadn't meant to challenge Jack like that, especially not in front of the first officer and Kyle.

But Jack's expression when he turned his face to Kam was curious, not upset, and Kam wondered when if ever his earlier experiences would stop colouring his expectations of Jack's reactions.

"It looked like what?"

"Like you recognize it."

"I don't, not exactly, but it reminds me of something. Something very dangerous."

"What?"

"A device that fell through the rift on Earth. Alien tech. It was in two parts, like this--" He demonstrated, slipping the two halves apart.

"What did it do?"

"Well, when you used half of it, it showed you the past. Things that had happened at your location that had aroused strong emotions. Ghosts, if you will, but the person using the device didn't just see the events, he or she experienced the emotions."

"And if you used the whole thing?"

"Then it showed you the future, or a possible future. It was like you were living it."

"But this isn't the same."

"No, just—similar." He looked up at his lover, laying the device on a side table. "Kam, the other one, there was something compelling about it. Something that made people WANT to push the buttons and engage it. Whatever this is, I think it's probably equally dangerous so—be careful of it, okay?"

"You think I'm going to go around punching random buttons?"

"No, I don't. But I still—worry. It has nothing to do with trusting you, or your experience, or your judgment. It just has to do with being in love with you."

Kam nodded his acceptance of the explanation.

"But Jack, what's so dangerous about seeing the future?"

"The problem is that you can't just be content seeing the future, Kam. It's human nature to try to change it. And that never goes well."

"That does still leave us with two other questions, Sir."

"And what are they?"

"Where did it come from, and how does the Empire know we have it?"


	30. Chapter 30

_**Good advice is always certain to be ignored, but that's no reason not to give it.**_

_**--Agatha Christie**_

"Dr. Raynor? Got a minute?"

Anna was beginning to think that she probably could have served the crew of the _ Welshman_ as well if she'd been a bartender instead of a physician.

"Liza. Aren't you on shift now?"

Liza's face flamed.

"Umm. Yes, I am. But Mr. Chibnall has the conn, and he gave me leave to come to the infirmary."

"Well, don't just hang there in the door. Come on in. Seal it behind you."

Liza looked at her in surprise.

"You had something private to talk about, didn't you?"

"Well, yes, but—"

"Ms. Fielding, in all the months we've served together, I don't think you've once set foot in my sick bay without a direct order from the captain. If you need to talk to me badly enough to come down in the middle of your duty shift, my guess is it's something you don't want the whole crew to know about."

Liza blanched at the prospect.

"Umm—no, absolutely not."

"So, lock the door. Come sit down. How do you take your tea?"

"I—what?"

"Tea. How?"

"White. Thanks." Anna busied herself preparing the tea.

"So, what can I do for you, Liza?"

"Whatever I tell you, that stays between us, right?"

Raynor looked at her thoughtful.

"As a general principle, yes. There are exceptions. If you tell me something that I think is critical to the function of this ship, my first obligation is to the_ Welshman_ and her captain. Likewise, if you tell me that you're planning on hurting yourself or someone else, those things wouldn't be covered by privilege."

"No, it's nothing like that."

"Then I think we're probably okay. If we start to get on shaky ground, I'll try to warn you. Fair?"

"Yes. It's just, what I want to talk about, it isn't me. I found out something about another crewman, something really awful, and I don't know what to do about it."

"Something awful like—what?"

"About this person's childhood. If you can call it a childhood. This person, this person was tortured and raped as a child. Horrible things, things that this person keeps locked up inside, and I want to help, but I don't know if I can. I don't know what to offer. I can't believe how much pain and insecurity is trapped inside someone who's really a terrific person. How can anyone survive something like that and end up more or less—normal?"

"I suppose to some degree it depends on what you call normal. We know that children who are abused do not grow up with normal self-esteem. They're insecure, sensitive, prone to self-destructive behaviours like eating disorders, substance abuse, self-mutilation…"

Liza shook her head. "I've not seen ANY evidence of those things."

"They're also far, far more likely to try to kill themselves than the rest of us."

"Suicide?"

"Yeah."

"How do you prevent that?"

Anna shrugged. "There's no easy answer to that. Someone determined to commit suicide eventually will be successful no matter what you do. Having said that, you watch for the signs, let the person know how much he or she means to you, how much you'd miss him or her, how important he is to you. There's nothing wrong with directly approaching the question of suicide. Either he or she is already considering it, in which case you're hardly suggesting something they've not thought or, or they aren't suicidal in which case they're going to think that you're a jerk, but are hardly about to slit their wrists over it."

"I don't know if I can do that. Broach the subject."

"You need to weigh the difficulty raising the issue with how you would feel if your friend was dead. Without knowing any more, it's hard for me to give you advice. But Liza--"

"Yes?"

"Be careful. Children who grow up without ever having been cherished, nurtured, loved—they don't ever form attachments to the adults in their lives. They never learn to love, and as adults, well, they don't—love—the way the rest of us do. They see people as a means to an end. Like sociopaths. And some of them are very good at it."

But Liza was shaking her head. "This person, I KNOW he feels things deeply." She thought back. "If there had been one person, right at the very beginning, one person who truly loved and cared for him? Even if he lost him early on?"

"Yeah, that might have been enough. Sometimes all you need is one person who cared."


	31. Chapter 31

_**If I have seen farther than others, **_

_**it is because I was standing on the shoulder of giants.**_

_**--Isaac Newton**_

"Jimmy? What would you think of passing over responsibility for the crew shift roster to Kam?" Jack asked casually as they walked through empty corridors heading for the captain's office.

"You asking how I'd feel about giving up a pain in the ass administrative duty?"

"Not exactly—I'm asking…"

"What I think of you handing it over to the kid who shares your bed."

"Who shares my _LIFE_." _Who wears my ring…_

"I think, well, I think he's plenty bright, will bend over backwards to be scrupulously fair and would do a good job. But I also think that strictly speaking, he has no seniority over the rest of the crew."

"Will they hold it against him?"

"The sense I have is that this group of kids had taken him under their collective wing. And they accept his position in your life. I don't think you'll have any issues."

"It's not me I worry about, Jimmy. But one of two things is going to happen. Either he's going to stay with me, in which case I want him to have more responsibility for how the ship is run, or he's going to leave me. And if he leaves me, I want to make sure that he has every skill I can teach him that might be valuable in a future job."

"You're worried about him getting a job? With his skills as a pilot and the letter I'm going to write for him?"

"I don't want him to have to settle for a pilot's job, Jim. I want him to be qualified to command a ship. If he leaves me, I want him to have his pick of positions. He's no fugitive, Jimmy, not any more. He's a free man, able to hold his head up and take a job anywhere in the universe. If he aims for a captaincy in the core systems, I want to make sure that he's capable of the job. And has the credentials to prove it."

"So, shift rotations, eh?"

"As a first step. He's also learning how to do the accounting."

"I'll meet with the kid. Show him how I do it."

"Thanks, Jimmy."

"Don't mention it."


	32. Chapter 32

_**You can't see them, you can't hear them, but they are there, **_

_**A million shadows of emotion!**_

_**--Captain Jack Harkness**_

Alone in the captain's quarters after Jack and Smeed had headed out for coffee and their daily command meeting, and Kyle had left for—who knew where--Kam picked up Ianto's grandfather's stopwatch, running his fingers over the fine engraving, smiling, thinking of the list he and Jack had just gotten started exploring with it. In the corner of the room, unnoticed on the small table where the captain had left it, the alien device began to pulse and glow. In an instant, Kam was transported to a different place and time...

_He stands in a big open plaza, next to a tall obelisk of a fountain. He is facing off against Jack, not in fun as he did so often, but in earnest. Kam is panting hard, and hurting everywhere. He swings a fist and hits Jack in the jaw, knocking him to the ground._

"_You could have saved her! You're worse than anything locked up down _the _re! One day, I'll have the chance to save you... and I'll watch you suffer and die!"_

_Jack rises to his feet, panting, blood dripping from his lip. " It was the only thing that would stop her!" he snarls back._

_A pretty Asian woman, part of a small group surrounding _the _m, speaks up urgently: _

"_Listen, when I was at reception, I managed to trip the lockdown timer. The power should be coming back on any second. We can get back in!"_

_Kam takes off, running towards a nearby building. Jack calls after him, but not by his name. "Ianto!" He too starts running, _the_ rest of the group hot on his heels. "Ianto! Stop!"_

_In the next moment, Kam finds himself inside a tourist office, pressing a button to open a segment of wall, holding a gun pointed at the mob behind him. They freeze, arms outstretched._

"_Ianto, don't be stupid!" urges the other woman._

"_I've nothing left to lose!"_

_Then Jack. " There's _always_ something left to lose."_

_And suddenly Kam is pointing the gun at Jack._

"_I'm going back in to save her. Anybody tries to stop me, I'll shoot them."_

_The woman speaks again, "Ianto, put the gun..."_

_He turns the gun on her; in an instant Jack moves, grabs him, disarming him and pinning him against the door. Pulls own gun and points it at Kam's head._

" _You make a threat like that, you better be prepared to follow it through." He pauses, then continues. "See, you disobey me now... I really will shoot you."_

"_Get off me!" Kam snarls._

"_You wanna go back in there? You go in to finish the job. If she's still alive, you execute her."_

"_No way!"_

"_You brought this down on us. You hid her. You hid __**yourself**__ from us! Now it's time for you to stand as part of the team."_

_Yet again the woman Kam couldn't quite place (and was finding increasingly annoying) tries to intervene. _

"_Jack..."_

_Still Jack ignores her, continuing to talk intensely, directly to Kam._

"_The girl you loved has gone. Your loyalty is to_** us **_now."_

"_You can't order me to do that." Kam recoils, rocked by horror, grief and intense hatred of Jack._

"_You execute her or I'll execute you both!"_

"_I won't do it. You can't make me. You like to think you're a hero. But you're the biggest monster of all!" Tears mix with fury._

_Jack takes a shaky breath, staring at Kam. When he speaks, his words are softer, but the emotions and determination are no less intense._

"_I'm giving you ten minutes. Then we're coming in." He indicates the gun Kam had discarded with a twitch of his eye. "Pick it up."_

_Kam bends over, picks up his weapon, giving Jack a last look, then turns and heads into the hidden passage, dreading what he would find…_

"Kam! Kam, are you all right?" In an instant he was back in their quarters, sweating, shaking and head pounding. Jack was holding him by the shoulders, peering into his face.

Kam felt the fear, anger and hatred he had felt towards his lover drain away, and dove into his arms, sobbing. Jack held him tight, utterly perplexed. He'd returned to their cabin to pick up some paperwork he'd forgotten and found Kam standing oblivious in the middle of the room, almost exactly where he'd left him not five minutes earlier.

"Jack! I was there! I FELT everything! I—I HATED you!"

Jack glanced over at the alien device still sitting on the side table. Kam felt the movement of his head and interpreted it accurately.

"Jack, I didn't touch it! I didn't go anywhere near it!"

"I know you didn't, Kam. But maybe this model doesn't require physical contact."

"Now he tells me…" The emotions he'd felt continued to ease, remembered but no longer completely overwhelming, and he let out a shaky laugh, relaxing into Jack's embrace.

"Where were you, Kam? Where did you go?"

"I—I don't—you were—we were in a big plaza. There was a huge fountain. I HATED you! I pointed a gun at you, Jack!"

The colour drained from Jack's face. The centuries had not been enough to erase the memory Kam was describing. Kam watched him.

"That was real, wasn't it? It happened. Ianto—but--the HATRED he felt!" And even as he said it, he recognized the complex web of emotions that had underlain the anger. "Hatred, and anger and guilt and loss and regret and grief and love…"

"Yes," Jack said almost to himself, "Ianto loved Lisa."

"No, Jack. I mean, yes, love for her, but also love for you."

"That day he didn't feel much love for me." He remembered how betrayed he'd felt that day, the ache in his heart fuelling his burning fury, believing that the love he'd already felt for his new lover had all been part of a con, that he'd lost his heart to a manipulator who had seduced him in a plot that put the entire world at risk.

"No, you're wrong. That was part of what hurt so much, and why he felt so guilty. He did love her, but _not_ the way he loved you. He knew that his relationship with her wouldn't have lasted. But—after what happened, he was responsible for her. And he did love her. But he also resented her, resented how trapped he was, resented the things he'd had to do. And most of all he resented that it interfered with him opening his heart to you the way that he longed to."

Jack shook his head, attempting again to correct Kam.

"You're picking up later emotions, Kam. Ianto didn't love me, not then, not yet. I was a means to an end then, and just lucky enough to earn his love later."

"Jack, I was THERE. I wasn't picking up on anything—later. Or earlier. I was feeling THAT moment. That man loved you. _**I **_loved you."

Jack stared at him, absorbing his intensity, his certainty, believing, reassessing the events of so long ago. His own over-reaction, demanding that his lover execute his girlfriend, forcing Ianto to choose between them, that had in part been fuelled by the love HE felt for Ianto. Was it so unbelievable that Ianto's love might have played a part in his own tumultuous emotional supernova?

"Why did he hate you so much?"

"Don't you know?"

Kam shook his head. "All I know is what was happening right then. I know what you said, what I said, what we did, what I felt—he felt. Every nuance of that moment. But nothing else. You were telling me to kill someone I loved. I felt everything I was just describing to you. It was ripping my heart out. I hit you. My hand hurt. There was a woman there. She was annoying the hell out of me. But I don't know any of the history, who she was, why you wanted me to kill the woman I loved, why I hit you."

"I was ordering you to kill Lisa. Your girlfriend. That's why you hit me."

Jack paused, considering. Loosening his grip on his lover, he indicated the couch with his chin. Gripping Jack's hand, Kam led the way over and sat. Jack settled next to him, and pulled the younger man into his arms.

"There was an invasion, two invasions, I suppose, simultaneous attempts to take over the world, to destroy everything. One of the invasions was by Cybermen, living robots that reproduce by stealing the brains and nervous systems of people, reprogrammed to operate their killing machines. It was a horrific battle, thousands of people died. Torchwood One was destroyed. Ianto worked at Torchwood One. He was one of only a handful of survivors. His girlfriend was captured by the Cybermen, had been partially converted when The Doctor and Rose defeated them, and the Daleks. Ianto found her, kept her alive, moved her to Cardiff where he knew we had the equipment to support the conversion chamber, talked his way onto my team, smuggled her into our Hub, kept her hidden. Kept her hidden from _**us**_. And then he contacted a man, a scientist, an expert on Cybermen. Together they tried to bring Lisa back, to cure her. But there is no cure for conversion. She killed the researcher, would have destroyed the world. But we stopped her. Saved the world."

"And killed Ianto's girlfriend in the process."

"Ianto's girlfriend had been killed a long time before that."

"He didn't see it that way."

"Not then, no, he didn't." He paused. "You got dropped into the midst of all of that."

"How?"

"I don't know." He rose and walked over to the side table where he eyed the alien device, lying benignly on the surface.

"Did anything light up before you—went there?"

"I don't know. I wasn't looking at it. I wasn't anywhere near…"

"Okay. Let's-- Think back, Kam. What _were_ you doing just before?"

Kam frowned, thinking, pushing past the wall of emotion that had so overwhelmed him.

"I was—I had just picked up the stopwatch." He looked at Jack. "Ianto's stopwatch."

"And from across the room, that triggered the device?" He continued his wary perusal of the instrument. "I think this version is far more dangerous than it's predecessor, and the other one did plenty of damage."

"What happened to it?"

"Ianto put it in secure storage, at Torchwood. It's probably still there."

"So what are we going to do with this one?"

"I don't know, Kam. I just don't know… But we _HAVE_ to keep it out of the hands of the GBHE."

"What would it take to destroy it, do you think? I mean, we blew up the gauntlet. That seemed to work pretty well."

Jack shook his head.

"I ran an analysis. This one has some sort of protective force field. I don't think it would be damaged in an explosion."

"Well," Kam said thoughtfully, "Do you think it would survive a fusion reaction?"

"I doubt it. Why? Got one around here somewhere?"

"I was thinking maybe we could shoot it into a star. We have some probes aboard, don't we?"

"Maybe one or two somewhere. Jimmy would know for sure. We'd need to be sure that it actually made it, though. Not something we want to inadvertently leaving hanging around out in space."

"No, but—would it work?"

"It just might, Kam. It just might." He eyed him speculatively. "All right, Cariad. Put together your team. Figure out how to make it happen."


	33. Chapter 33

_**Coming together is a beginning. **_

_**Keeping together is progress. **_

_**Working together is success. **_

_**--Henry Ford**_

The team that Kam chose consisted of Buddy Garrison, Liza Fielding, Avi Stasi, Roberta Tolbert and Carsten Weiss. He gathered them in the library, as it was more people than Jack's office could comfortably hold.

"You know, Cariad," he'd observed idly, "Maybe we were a bit hasty in deciding this ship didn't need a conference room."

Jack couldn't disagree, although the library seemed like a good alternative for the moment.

"Maybe we'll discuss restoring it in the next round of renovations," the older man had responded. "If we still seem to be needing one."

Carsten alone had previously seen Kam in the role of directing an operation, and he privately marvelled at his friend's greater confidence this time around. The others all seemed to take the young pilot's leadership as a matter of course. As ship's pilot, it was, after all, generally Kam who had the conn on nightshift when the captain was absent from the bridge.

With star charts and the schematics and specifications of the probes available to them laid out on the table in front of everyone, Kam explained the challenge. They needed to thoroughly destroy the artefact that Buddy had found, an artefact with a built-in protection system. Presumably the object would not survive exposure to a fusion reaction, but they had to be damned sure if they shot the thing into a sun that it actually got there. Pouring over the diagrams and numbers, the team got to work.

In the end they decided to use the largest of the probes. "Easier to modify to contain the artefact, easier to track, easier to find if something goes wrong," Buddy had said.

"Also easier for someone else to see it," Kam observed, "but I agree, the benefits outweigh the risks."

"I'd like to modify the engine a bit, though," Roberta added. See if we can't give it a better shot at—well, at a better shot."

"Okay," Kam agreed.

"And I think the star we want to use is this one," Carsten pointed to the star chart. "No planets orbiting, kind of off the beaten track, but not so far out that our presence there would arouse any real curiosity."

"I've spent some time in that part of space," Avi commented. "Patrols are few and far between, to say the least. I don't think the GBHE will be messing with us at all."

"Still," Liza added, eying the information laid out on the table, "I think we're going to need to fire it from here," she pointed at one of the charts, "from the backside, where the star will be between us and any chance observer."

"Human observers in any case," Avi agreed. "Don't forget that just because we're at the very edges of space that's been explored by humans doesn't mean the rest of the cosmos isn't teeming with other species. Our backside might be someone else's front yard."

"We'll have to keep our eyes and ears open regardless," Kam agreed. "But that probably goes without saying."


	34. Chapter 34

_**All the world is full of suffering. It is also full of overcoming.**_

_**--Helen Keller**_

It was while surveying the charts and reviewing the team's proposal for destroying the artefact with Kam that Jack had a sudden flash.

"You know, Cariad, we aren't that far from Florana."

"Florana?"

"It hasn't been discovered by the GBHE yet, but it is one of the universe's most beautiful planets. The land is carpeted by perfumed flowers, seas like warm milk and sand of weaved gold as soft as swan's down. It is also has oceans of effervescent water where the bubbles support you. Should we go take a look?"

Kam eyed him sceptically.

"Are you having me on, Sir? Have you been there?" The universe he knew didn't include gilded beaches or floating seas.

Jack's countenance darkened briefly as he remembered his previous sojourn on Florana, with the Doctor and the Joneses, after _The Year that Wasn't_. Days spent walking overgrown trails through the rainforest, swimming amidst schools of brightly coloured tropical fish, basking on sun-drenched beaches, giving body and mind—even his remarkable body—time to heal, an opportunity to recover from watching helplessly as his team was tortured and executed in front of him. Gwen, Owen, Tosh. The Master had saved Ianto for last, recognizing more thoroughly than Jack himself had how very deep his feelings for that young man ran. And just because in the end those events never happened to his friends didn't mean that Jack hadn't lived through every single second. But that had been more than five hundred years ago, and Jack had made the most of the time he and Ianto had after that. And he was determined to do even better with Kam. To have a proper lifetime together. Not to waste any of it.

"I was there once with friends. Oh, Kam, I know these are dark times for humans, but the cosmos is still an infinitely wonderful place. And I'm sure Lach would like the opportunity to pick up a few supplies for the larder—although after last time, Kai might be inclined to just bypass the market and head straight for the beach. Still, they have this species of goat, and the cheese they make… You've never tasted anything like it. It'll take us awhile to get there, but after we fire the probe, why don't we head out that way, give the crew a little R&R. There have to be SOME rewards for being on the run. And I still owe you a sunset."


	35. Chapter 35

"_**You can't do that with rockets."**_

_**--Brad Edwards**_

"_**I'll be most relaxed and happy after the rocket takes off."**_

_**--Greg Olsen**_

Only someone intimately familiar with the crew of the_ Welshman_ would have picked up the heightened level of tension as the ship approached the star Carsten had selected. Assisted by Julian Kyle, An Cho and Carsten Weiss scanned for any hint of activity in the area.

"All quiet, Captain," Cho told him softly.

He started to ask if she was sure, if she'd scanned beyond the frequencies normally used by humans, but these days that instinct to second guess his crew was becoming easier and easier to quash. Cho knew her job. If she said it was quiet…

"Everyone else?"

A soft chorus echoed her report.

"Okay, keep your ears and eyes peeled. Kam, move us into position." Gently the pilot eased the ship into the spot they'd identified as giving them the best chance of firing the torpedo into the sun.

"Okay, Kam. The conn I yours."

His lover looked back at him in surprise.

"It's your operation. Destroy the damned thing already, would you?"

Kam flashed the captain a quick smile in response to his casual tone. He knew the older man was at least as tense as he himself was.

"Aye, sir." He turned all of his attention to the operation. "Carsten?"

"We're in position, Sir."

"Okay, hold us right here. Avi?"

"Yes, Sir?"

"You locked in?"

"Yes, Sir."

"Okay, then—FIRE!"

Stasi pressed a button as the crew held its collective breath. Harkness thought back to the many wars he'd served in, Earth wars, of huge guns making loud noises, with tremendous recoil. There was none of that here. Nothing to let him know that anything had happened, other than a tiny hint of movement on the view screen as the missile carrying the gauntlet sped from the _Welshman_ towards the sun they hovered before. Carsten had much more detailed information on his navigation display. Jack started to ask him for an update, but then remembered that he'd given Kam the conn, and held his tongue.

"Carsten?" the pilot queried.

"So far it's right on course."

"Sir?" It was Cho.

"An?" Kam prompted.

"I've got an empire ship."

Anders shot a panicked look back at the captain, but Harkness returned his gaze calmly, giving no indication he intended to take back command of his ship.

"Where?" Kam asked, after a minute.

"At the edge of sensor range, on the other side of the sun."

"Have they seen us?"

"No, sir. And they aren't going to unless they have augmented sensors to match the _Welshman's_. And, sir?"

"Yes?"

"They don't."

Like the rest of the crew, An Cho had come to appreciate the little bits and pieces of alien tech that had been integrated into the _Welshman's_ systems. The GBHE however, took a more chauvinistic attitude. It's mantra was "steal it or destroy it"—or both. It hardly made for cooperative exchanges of science and technology with other cultures.

"What are they doing way out here?"

"It's—it's a small cruiser, and on a straight course, not making any effort to be unobtrusive. It looks like a pretty standard patrol, just displaying the flag, sir."

"And when the missile impacts the sun? Are they going to pick up anything abnormal then?"

"Kam," Avi spoke up, "we're not even sure WE'RE going to see anything, and we're tracking the damned thing. They're directly on the other side of the sun both from us and from the probe. The only way they're going to see us is if we jump up and down waving our arms around."

Kam glanced at Cho and Weiss, who both nodded their agreement.

"Okay. An, watch that ship, let me know if anything changes. Carsten, you keep an eye on the probe. Avi, watch the missile's readouts. And nobody jump."

The entry into the sun's chromosphere was anticlimactic when it came. No flare, no explosion, no—nothing. Just Avi—"

"Sir? I've lost feedback from the probe."

"Carsten?"

"Direct hit, Sir. Our sensors suggest the probe has been completely destroyed."

"An?"

"The ship is still within our sensor range, but with no change in their speed or trajectory. I'm certain they're completely unaware of us."

"And we're going to keep it that way. Everyone get comfortable. We're going to sit right here and let that ship get well on its way before we head for Florana…"

And from his seat behind the pilot, Jack smothered a quiet smile, enjoying how easily his lover was slipping into the role of commander of this crew.


	36. Chapter 36

_**It is not so much our friends' help that helps us**_

_**as the confident knowledge that they will help us.**_

_**-- Epicurus**_

Movement in the bed woke Jack from a fairly deep sleep. His first subconscious thought had been "earthquake"—how deeply had THAT reaction been buried in his subconscious?--but then he'd roused enough to realize that the shaking had come from Kam, shaking and sobbing in his sleep.

"Kam? Cariad? Wake up. It's a bad dream. You're fine. I've got you."

Gradually, his young lover pulled out of the molasses of the dream.

"Jack!"

"I'm right here, Cariad. What were you dreaming about?"

"I was back there again, with you pointing a gun at me, threatening to shoot me. Hating me. I couldn't stand it if you hated me, Jack."

"Ah, Cariad. I didn't hate Ianto, not even then. I couldn't have. I was already in love with him, whether I was ready to admit it or not. It was the thought that he wasn't in love with me, that he'd lied to me, just been using me, that made me so angry with him. But I'm sorry that you've had to live through that day even once, much less again in your dreams."

"I'm just glad we destroyed the blasted thing. At least no one else will have to deal with it."

Jack leaned over and gave him a gentle kiss.

"Do you ever have nightmares, Jack? The kind that seem SO real you're not sure where life ends and the dreams begin?"

Jack thought back to his dreams brought on by the Ancient Ones, those which followed The _ Year that Wasn't_ and then to the nightmare that had awoken him in a cold sweat in the aftermath of the return of the 456. In it, he'd not rebuilt his team after the ravaging loss of Tosh and Owen. He'd never taken that essential step of really letting Ianto know how he felt about him, his mother and Jason had never come back, they'd never had Seren. In the dream, Torchwood had consisted only of him, Ianto and Gwen. No Mickey, no Bobby, no Wendy, no Abby, no Sara… Options had been limited, and Ianto had accompanied him to Thames House. He'd been in the building when the 456 gassed everyone. He'd died in Jack's arms, and that time Jack had been too far-gone himself to share his "surplus of life" with Ianto as he had during the cyberwoman attack. Ianto had died. And without Ianto to motivate him, without his team to back him up, he'd been unable to formulate a plan to protect the planet without sacrificing his grandson. Just as he'd done for Kam now, then his lover had shaken from sleep, drenched in sweat, tears rolling down his face.

"_Jack? You all right? What's wrong, Cariad?"_

_He'd pulled his husband into his arms and hugged him tightly._

"_I love you, Ianto."_

"_I know that, Jack. Why are you crying, sweetheart?"_

_Jack had given a shaky laugh. "Bad dream, Yan. Just a really bad dream. _The _ kids are fine?"_

"_Of course they are. And we're off tomorrow. Jason and Steven are going to the movies. And your mom has offered to take Seren to her play date with the Williams kids. Which means that WE will have the house to ourselves for at least three hours."_

_Jack's eyebrows had raised, maybe not as enthusiastically as he would have had the_ _tendrils of his dream still not wound through him, but with interest nonetheless._

"_You have your stopwatch?"_

But never in his life had Jack felt as alone, as wretched, as he had in that dream. Not even when he really did lose Ianto, because he'd taken the time, been able to say all of the things the other Jack had left unsaid. Not even decades later when Myfanwy died, taking with her his last connection to the younger man—Jason having retired to the 51st century, and Seren off on adventures with The Doctor, not either of HIS Doctors, but a later regeneration, the same man, yet so very different, Seren's Doctor, this one finally ginger--and Jack had turned his back on Torchwood, and on Earth.

And he had recognized the irony, no matter how much he tried to deny it—that Jack Harkness, and for that matter, the Doctor, two men destined by the universe to spend their lives essentially alone, only functioned at their best when they had a team. A realization he'd forgotten, lost track of, for a while.

"Yeah, Cariad," he answered the young man snuggling up against him. "Sometimes I have those kinds if nightmares too."


	37. Chapter 37

_**Survival is a privilege which entails obligations. I am forever asking myself what I can do for those who have not survived. The answer I have found for myself (and which need not necessarily be the answer for every survivor) is: I want to be their mouthpiece, I want to keep their memory alive, to make sure the dead live on in that memory.**_

_**--Anon.**_

"Hey, Avi! Buy you a cup of coffee?"

He'd been reading alone on the observation deck when Liza materialized beside him, a steaming mug of coffee in each hand. Warily, he laid down the copy of _The Complete Dickens_ that the captain had loaned him. The involuntary warm shot of pleasure in his stomach in response to her presence still warred with the knot of dread in his chest that her KNOWING caused.

"Hi, Liza," he answered carefully. She looked serious as she handed him his coffee and settled beside him on the couch. Idly she glanced at the book.

"That good?"

"Apparently I'm not the only kid who ever had it rough," he answered.

She sat beside him for several long moments, not speaking, fidgeting, looking anywhere but at him before finally meeting his gaze and blurting out, "Avi—I need to ask you something."

Whatever it was, she was upset about it. Anxious.

"Okay."

"Do you ever think about killing yourself?"

He stared back at her. Whatever he'd been expecting, it wasn't that.

"Sure," he answered carefully. "Out here, doesn't everyone?"

"I don't."

"Really?"

"Really."

"No offence, Liza, but I think that makes you the unusual one here, not me."

"Would you do it? Really? Do you have plans?"

"Do you mean right now am I planning on killing myself? No, I'm not. And frankly, I can't imagine a situation where I really would. The way I look at it, I've already survived the worst my life can dish out. My mom, she gave up everything because she wasn't willing to give me up. Maybe the choices she made didn't work out so well for either of us, but she didn't do that on purpose. Since getting old enough to have some control over my destiny, I've clawed my way a little higher every year, made things a little better, learned a little more. I wasn't kidding when I told you that being here, on the_ Welshman_, my life is better than I'd ever dreamed it could be. My mom never had the chance to make adult choices about her life, so I kind of think I owe it to her to give it my all, you know? And the fact that, even if I'm not brave enough to take a chance on us, the fact that you think I'd be worth taking a chance on—Liza, that's the biggest miracle in my entire life." He paused, and eyed her speculatively. "Did you think I was suicidal?"

For the first time since she'd asked her question, she dropped her gaze and stared at the floor. "No, not exactly."

"Then what prompted the question?"

She appeared fascinated by the patterns her boots were NOT making on the deck as she twisted her toes.

"I was asking the doc about kids who'd been abused," she started hesitantly.

"You told her?!?" He'd not expressly asked her to keep his story to herself, but he'd assumed…

Her eyes came up at that, dark and hot.

"Of course not! Not what you said, not who you were! I just asked about kids who were terrorized, and she said that they have a higher rate of suicide, that if I had a friend, I should ask. Because you might give them a way out, someone to talk to. I said it would be really hard, and she asked which was worse, broaching a hard topic or dealing with the death of someone you care about. So I asked." She paused again. "And I did bring coffee, so at least you have to give me credit for that."

With a laugh, Avi put his mug aside and pulled Liza to him, landing a solid kiss on the middle of her forehead.

"Thank you, Liza, for caring what happens to me. It's a new experience, and I'm probably not always going to handle it well, but please don't ever think that's because I don't appreciate it more than you could possibly know. And I promise, if I start thinking about killing myself, I'll come and talk to you about it first. Deal?"

She returned his kiss with a gentle brushing of lips across his cheek.

"Deal," she answered softly. "And don't you dare go breaking it. Now, what do you say we go get another cup of coffee?"


	38. Chapter 38

_**The more complex the mind, the greater the need for the simplicity of play.**_

_**- James T. Kirk**_

Kam found Jack in the first place he looked—on the observation deck, standing staring out of the giant viewport. He had the place to himself, which surprised Kam, and in turn reminded him how much the ship had changed from the days when this upper level had served as his own private retreat. It was unusual these days for the area to be unoccupied.

"Hey," he greeted him softly.

"Hey," came the response from his lover, who continued peering out into the vastness before him. Kam moved up beside the captain and took his hand.

"You know," he continued softly, "in my dreams, my dreams about you, the ones from before…" Jack nodded slightly. He knew the dreams Kam meant—the dreams he'd had of a blue-eyed hero, back when his only escape from life came in the form of two tattered books. Kam continued, "in those dreams, you were--we were--we were always standing on top of things, high up, looking out across vast distances, the wind in our hair, blowing our clothes…"

That got Jack's attention enough to turn his head with a small grin. He knew that a few of Kam's later dreams included some of Ianto's more—intimate—memories. Not all of which took place on rooftops. Kam understood the unspoken comment.

"Okay, maybe not ALWAYS, but often. But that part was you, right? Not _HIM_? He wasn't the one who loved heights."

Jack's smile widened as he slipped further into memories. Ianto had been game, that's for sure, but he had to admit, the younger man had not been thrilled by heights. As much time as they'd spent on top of the Millennium Centre roof, he'd never come to love it. Love being there with Jack, wrapped in his coat, wrapped in his arms, yes. Love it for it's own sake? Not exactly. Not the way Jack had.

"No," he acknowledged. "That was me."

Kam looked out at the vast starfield before them.

"This isn't exactly the same, is it?"

"Hard to climb up on top of a space ship," Jack agreed.

"Are there tall buildings on Florana?"

"There are mountains."

"So, maybe while we're there we can climb one."

And then they stood in silence, hands warmly entwined, looking out at the stars as the _Bonny Welshman_ continued on her journey through space.


	39. Chapter 39

_**Perhaps love is the process of my gently leading you back to yourself.**_

_**--Antoine de Saint-Exupery**_

Avi Stasi had not gone to the library looking for Liza Fielding. Of that he was sure. Despite the fact that he knew she liked to read there before heading onto shift. And his asking the captain for a couple of hours off at the end of his shift had nothing to do with it either. They just—things were pretty quite just then, and he was kind of at loose ends. He'd covered some other people's shifts recently and he knew the captain was aware , so he figured he was entitled to take a couple of hours. Plus Smeed had mentioned this book to him—a novel called _Captains Courageous_—and he thought he'd see if there was a copy in the library. It had absolutely, positively nothing to do with looking for Liza. So he was completely unprepared for the gashing disappointment that ripped through him when he found the room empty. Blinking unexpected tears from his eyes, he found the book fairly quickly and headed back to read in his cabin, pausing at the mess to pick up a sandwich and a cup of coffee. Where he literally walked into Liza as he was coming out the door. Coffee went everywhere. Mostly on her.

"Oh! Damn! Sorry! Liza, are you all right?" He surveyed her quickly, seeing that much of the hot liquid had splashed onto her clothing. Grabbing her, he pulled her the few steps down the passageway to the infirmary where he propelled her through the door.

"Doc! Doc! You here?" Dropping his sandwich, he began pulling layers of clothing off of the still stunned Fielding.

"Liza! We have to get the wet clothes off of your skin! Help me!" he cried as Raynor burst out of her quarters.

"Avi! What's going on?"

"I ran into Liza with a full cup of fresh coffee! I'm afraid she's been burned!" Raynor pushed him aside and took over stripping the woman.

"Mr. Stasi, you can go now. And lock the door on your way out, would you?" Raynor instructed as she was getting down to undergarments.

Then Fielding spoke for the first time.

"No. I'd like Avi to stay, if he doesn't mind."

"Of course not."

"Well, then," Raynor told him, "How about just locking the door?" She grabbed a gown to provide her patient at least a modicum of privacy—there was a screen somewhere, but only the stars knew where it had gone--supply room somewhere maybe?—and then pushed her under the decontamination shower, turning the water to cold.

"Yikes! That's freezing!" Fielding yelped.

"I know, Liza, but you need to stay there, at least for a few minutes. We need to get your subcutaneous tissues cooled down as fast as we can to stop the burn from getting worse."

Miserably uncomfortable-looking, Liza shot a look at her crewmate, and involuntarily held out a hand to him. He stepped forward and gripped it tightly, propriety keeping his gaze averted as the doc stepped forward to strip the rest of her clothing.

"You doing okay, Liza?"

"Fine," she chattered, "just freezing, so it's hard to catch my breath."

"Better than burned."

"I'll take your word for that just now."

"I'm so sorry, Liza."

"Avi! Not your fault. It was just an accident. Coulda happened to anyone."

"But you're the last person—"

"Avi. Accident. Nothing more. Understand?"

Taking a deep breath, he nodded.

"Now talk to me, so that I don't have to keep thinking about how cold I am. Know any funny stories?"

He laughed desperately.

"Ummm—not off hand."

"How about you, Doc? Any good jokes?"

"Well," she thought about it. "Do you know the one about the best friends who argue about whether or not there's baseball in heaven?"


	40. Chapter 40

_**Exuberance is Beauty.**_

_**--William Blake**_

Harkness addressed the full ship's complement over breakfast.

"…And don't forget to pick up some swimming togs in the market before heading to the beach—some of the inhabitants of this planet have odd issues with nudity. Let Mr. Smeed know if anyone needs an advance on your pay, although I think you should all be in good shape after our last run. Don't take more with you than you're willing to spend. And Dr. Raynor has sun protection and water supplies for each of you. It's a lot warmer here than it was on Tonga Prime. Just because the water is effervescent doesn't mean you can swim alone. Always in pairs, and keep an eye on your partner. There will be NO drowning. Spacers are not generally the strongest swimmers, as you know, so unless one of you is from an aquatic planet that I don't know about, stay where you can touch bottom. I expect everyone back on the ship no later than three hours after sunset." He paused. "That's the setting of the third sun, not the first one. Same reminders, kids. These people are not human. Just because something looks like a food you know, or an object you're familiar with doesn't mean that's what it is, or that it won't kill you. None of the fruit on the planet is toxic to humans, but be sure you peel it yourselves. I will inspect EVERYTHING you buy BEFORE you bring it aboard my ship. Beyond that, be careful. Groups of four or more, and be good ambassadors for your race. The Floranans are terrific hosts, but they haven't encountered many humans yet and I don't want any--misunderstandings. It's a popular vacation spot though; you're going to run into all kinds of other aliens. Oh, and there are some species that eat their mates after sex, so keep that in mind."

He'd actually gone so far as to look for his copy of The _ Toothpick that Ate Henry_ but the closest he'd come to finding it was digging up a battered volumes of the sequels, The _ Biro which Transported Argentina,_ _Alien Paperclip: _The _ True Story of _the _ Sinking of _the _ Titanic_, _Area 51 is Really a Push Pin, Bermuda Triangle: Picnic Ground_ and _Amelia Earhart,_ _Jimmy Hoffa and _the _ Campaign Buttons_ but somehow he didn't think that those would have quite the same impact on his crew.

Initially Smeed had offered to stay aboard, to watch the ship but Jack refused to let him. "It's a Judoon-run spaceport at a very popular destination. I guarantee, no one not of The _ Welshman_ will get anywhere near the ship. Tourism is their biggest industry. They can't afford the bad publicity. And the kids all have comms and translators. They'll be able to reach us if they run into any snags. Come on, Jimmy, take your girl out, have a good time. We'll have enough to worry about when we head back out into space. For this one day, just be a guy in love. Show your girl a good time. Let me sweat the details for once."

The crew divided more or less easily into groups. Jack held Kam back from joining any. "Command prerogative. I want you to myself today, Cariad," he whispered. Likewise he noticed Smeed and Anna stood clear of the arrangements. Roberta and Carsten waved Stasi over. "Come on, Avi. We hardly ever see you these days!" And if they thought anything of Liza following him across the room, no one commented.

Leah exchanged a "mind if I join you?" glance with Kai and Lach who were standing beside her, received a welcoming smile in response and moved to join them. Realizing that she was standing in a group next to Buddy, Anneke scampered after her. Tom eyed the two forming groups, one with Leah, one with Avi, and looked back at the trio of Julian, Buddy and An and gave an ironic quirk of his mouth. "Guess that leaves us chickens, eh?"

Watching the dynamics, Harkness frowned. There was far too much jockeying to avoid other members of the crew going on, but that was a problem to address another day.

"Now remember, don't trust your translators for more than the basics, and use your comms if you get into any trouble. I doubt any of you have seen anything like this planet before, so have a great time."

The spaceport was just a few blocks from the main bazaar which served as the social and financial center of town. The market place was chaotic, bright and festive, a huge central square with wide lanes heading out like the spokes of a wheel on three sides, the fourth side fronting on the most spectacular bay any of them had ever seen. The air was warm, and soft, and scented with the exotic perfumes of alien flowers, fruits herbs, spices and incense. Music wafted out of several open doorways, not coordinated and yet not inharmonious. There were people—almost all non-human—everywhere, dressed in bright and colourful clothing. Roberta and Carsten led the way, holding hands, laughing delightedly and the sights, sounds and smells. Avi leaned closer to Liza, wide-eyed. "Have you ever seen anything like this?" She shook her head wordlessly, taking everything in as avidly as he was.

"I've been to markets, but—places you could buy fuel for your generator, chicken feed, and, if you were lucky, flour and salt. A couple of stalls for merchants. Mud and cow manure you had to slog through. Tonga Prime had the _nicest_ market I've ever been to. The colony where I lived with my husband, there were fewer than three hundred of us. A supply ship came by a couple of times a year, if they remembered. Life on The_ Welshman_ is a luxury compared to it. This--I've never even imagined a place like this existed."

With a glint in his eye, Stasi indicated a placard with unintelligible alien writing in the window of a building off to the side of the square. "Think that's a 'for rent' sign? Should we tell the Captain we're chucking it all and staying here?" Liza allowed herself the fantasy for a single moment—no constant vibration of engines, air that didn't smell like oil and hot metal, feeling the warmth of the sun tempered by gentle sea breezes every day, lying in bed with Avi, watching his beautiful sleep-calmed face in the moonlight—then sighed. "You must have missed the part of the captain's orientation where he mentioned that Florana doesn't allow immigration. If they did, no one would ever leave, and everything that's wonderful about it would be destroyed."

Ahead, Carsten and Roberta paused, allowing the lagging pair to catch up. "Looks like there's a stall selling swim togs over there," Roberta pointed. "What do you say we get some gear and head to the beach?"

The bikini and pareo that went with it caught Liza's eye the second she walked into the tiny shop. They were a whirl of dark, rich colors, purples, greens, blues, interwoven with a glittering of gold. At thirty-two she was many years senior to the majority of the _Welshman_'s crew, but a life of salvage had kept her muscular and lean. Glancing back to see her colleagues engrossed in searches of their own, she indicated the togs to the shop keeper.

"Can I try that on?" She waited patiently for the translator to pass on her query.

Casting an experienced eye first over the suit, and then Liza, she nodded approvingly, gathered the garment and showed the spacer to a tiny curtained area with a mirror. Before leaving Liza, the shopkeeper spoke, a lyric and incomprehensible string of sounds.

"That garment was made for you. You will see," the translator whispered in Liza's ear.

Once she had it on, Liza stared in bewilderment at the exotic creature in the mirror. She'd known the suit would be pretty on her, but transformative? Somehow, besides clinging in the right places and draping where it needed to drape, the clothing made her hair seem fuller, glossier, her lips more red, her eyes wider, dark and mysterious. The curtain behind her opened and Liza looked past her reflection in the mirror to see the shopkeeper standing behind her. In her hands was a fine wrought gold hairpiece. Liza flushed. As it was, the suit alone was more than she had planned to spend.

"That's absolutely beautiful, but I can't. I'm already stretching it to buy this, and I _have _to buy this."

The woman smiled at her gently.

"This," she indicated the hairpiece, "this is not for sale. But it will be perfect on you. So I give it to you as a gift. A gift which, perhaps, will make that young man out there realize just why it is he's not taken his eyes from this curtain since you disappeared behind it, no? Try it on. You'll see."

Liza started to refuse, but saw nothing but kindness and hope in the other woman's eyes.

"Thank you very much. I'll treasure it." And she took the beautiful jewellery from the proffering hands.

Out in the main part of the tiny shop, Stasi perused the available swim trunks with a distracted air, his gaze constantly pulled back to the curtain Liza had disappeared behind. He'd not seen the outfit she was trying on, but his imagination was running wild with visions of her body clad in any of the suits offered for sale. He could have pretended that he wasn't sure just when he'd started thinking of Liza –in _**that**_ way—but he would have been fooling himself. He damned well knew it had started the second she'd revealed that her awareness of him was not entirely platonic. Since then she'd been appearing in his dreams and fantasies with frightening regularity. And the glimpses he'd caught while trying NOT to look at her in the sickbay shower hadn't helped. Which wasn't to say that he wasn't still utterly terrified by the prospect of pursuing a relationship with her, just that now he was terrified AND frustrated.

Liza emerged from the changing room dressed in her own clothes, her purchases and the magnificent gift neatly wrapped in a small parcel, payment made. She wandered over to where Avi was eying a wall of suits.

"Find anything you like?"

He indicated the wall with exasperation.

"There are hundreds of them. How am I supposed to choose?"

Liza surveyed the options. A dark blue pair of trunks with a sophisticated pattern in silver and black caught her eye. It would look good, she thought, not only with Stasi's dark colouring, but also with her own purchase.

She indicated it.

"What do you think of that one?"

Raising a "how can you tell one from the others" eyebrow, he shrugged. "I'll give it a try. Want to see if you can find some sandals for me while I do? They're over there." He pointed then pulled off his work boots, handing one to Liza. "This'll help give you some idea of size."

The saleswoman materialized at Liza's elbow as the spacer approached the piles of beach thongs. In her hands were two pairs of sandals, one of fine gold leather that Liza instinctively knew would fit her perfectly, the other black, masculine, handsome and perfect for the suit Stasi was trying on. Holding one up to his boot, she saw that it too was just the right size. With a grateful look, she took both pairs and waited for her shipmate. Holding parcels of their own, Roberta and Carsten ambled over from where they'd been shopping at the tables outside the booth.

"Find everything you need?" the younger woman asked Liza. Liza smiled.

"This shop has such lovely things. Avi's trying on a suit now. If he likes it, I think we're all set, except for towels. How did you do?"

"We've got suits. We were just going over to look at towels ourselves." Liza followed their gaze to a stack of brightly coloured towels piled in a corner that had previously escaped her attention. From across the room she identified towels that coordinated perfectly with her bathing suit, and with Avi's. She had just walked over and picked them up when Avi emerged from the changing room with a satisfied smile on his face. Catching her eye he said, "All right—I just need a towel and some sandals and we're all set." Silently, Liza held up the two items and his grin widened. "Perfect. What do you say we finish making our purchases and get some lunch before heading to the beach? The captain gave me the name of a place that serves food that's all safe for humans, and I think it's not far from here. I don't know about you guys, but I'm starving!" And feeling better than he had in a long, long time (?ever?) Avi handed over his money and then, taking Liza by the hand, led his friends out in search of something called a 'falafel'.


	41. Chapter 41

AN—If anyone is interested, I have the beta job of all time I need help with. It's a lot of work, but I promise a tangible reward (a really cool one) at the end… And it should be fun. If anyone's got some free time and is curious, let me know. Thanks.

-sr

_**There is nothing like returning to a place that remains unchanged **_

_**to find the ways in which you yourself have altered.**_

_**--Nelson Mandela**_

On his own, Jack Harkness would have bypassed the market completely, but he knew that Kam had never seen anything like it before—the market on Tonga Prime was a working market place, a far cry from this bazaar catering to the needs and senses of tourists-- and he didn't want his lover to miss out on the opportunity. They hadn't actually _planned_ to go with Smeed and the doctor, but the other couple was looking forward to doing a little shopping, and they all were heading out at the same time, so, after carefully locking the ship, it only made sense to walk to the marketplace together. As alert to everything as Kam had been on Pieri and Tonga Prime, it was nothing to the pinballing his eyes did as they started down the wide boulevard, filled with vacationing species from all over the universe, lined with brightly coloured little shops, food carts and various tables and stands, all vying for tourist credits.

"What do you think your Mr. Kipling would have thought about all this, Jack?" he queried joyfully. Jack smiled back at him indulgently, enjoying his lover's excitement.

"I think he'd be feeling very much like you are, Cariad," he answered, pulling the younger man to him for a kiss. "And we haven't even gotten to the main bazaar." Slightly behind them, Smeed and the doc walked more sedately, hands firmly clasped, taking in the sights, sounds and wonderful smells, but enjoying the sensation of entwined fingers and the sun on their faces as much as any of the rest. Jack glanced back to check on their progress, their reaction and Anna answered his unspoken question with a smile.

"It's wonderful, Captain."

"Sure you kids are going to spend your time here shopping? I happen to know this great private, suit-optional beach just about twenty minutes walk from here."

Raynor grinned at the paired eye-rolls from the ship's first officer and pilot, although she noticed that the younger man seemed neither surprised nor concerned by the captain's proposal.

"Appreciate the offer," she replied blandly, "but if Jimmy and I are going to get naked, I'd rather we do it in private."


	42. Chapter 42

_**Love is a fire. But whether it is going to warm your hearth or burn down your house, you can never tell.**_

_**--Joan Crawford**_

_**Love is a snowmobile racing across the tundra and then suddenly it flips over, pinning you underneath. At night, the ice weasels come.**_

_**--Matt Groening**_

It did not escape Buddy Garrison's notice that for the second time he was setting off on liberty on a new planet in a foul mood. Just how he could be in a foul mood in this beautiful place escaped him, but there it was. And all because a sprite of a girl, not much more than a child really, had scampered away from the group he was in to join another. At least this time it hadn't been to take off with the captain, with KAM. No doubt even Anneke had recognized the "keep out" signs flashing from the captain's eyes this morning. He had clearly intended to have his lover all to himself.

Standing next to him, An Cho tried to tell herself that if she had seen any way to do so, she would have passed on going on liberty. But that was an out and out lie. After the stories she's heard about Florana, she was as excited as any of the crew to check out the sights, to have one day where she could just BE, and not spend it afraid, or worried, or sad. Clearly Captain Harkness would have been the best guide, not that she would have wanted to go with him in any case, but Julian Kyle proved to be a close second. Maybe he'd never been to THIS planet before, but clearly he'd had his boots on the ground on quite a few others, was familiar with most of the vacationing species, and spoke several of the languages.

"Okay, gang," he'd asked as soon as their little party cleared the space port, "what do you want to do first?"

No one answered him. He looked back at the group, Tom with eyes only for the very attractive backside of Leah Ali, now disappearing around a corner, Buddy looking anywhere EXCEPT where Anneke was standing with her group, looking anywhere EXCEPT at him, and An, as reserved and unreadable as ever. He let out a sigh.

"All right, you sad sacks, here's the deal: I know I wasn't any of your first choices to take to the prom, but unlike those others, when you asked, I said 'yes'. And as it turns out, I'm guy who just happens to know his way around an alien planet. And who is determined to have a good time today."

An shot him a look and he grimaced.

"Not THAT kind of a good time. Sheesh, what you people think of me! I mean a group of four shipmates on liberty on a beautiful tropical planet kind of good time. As opposed to a guy dragging a bunch of mopes around at the end of a rope all day. So the way I see it, you can either be miserable, and ruin shore leave for all of us, OR you can just put all those worries and heartaches on hold for today. Believe me, they'll still be there for you to deal with when we get back, but in the meantime—does anyone know what a zip line canopy tour is? No? Well, you're going to find out. My treat. And if I remember the map correctly, the ticket office is just over—that way."


	43. Chapter 43

_AN—Yes, it's pure fluff, but isn't that what vacations are for?_

_

* * *

  
_

_**The Sea, once it casts its spell, holds one in its net of wonder forever.**_

_**--Jacques Cousteau**_

Kai had exchanged a good-natured private eye-roll with his partner when Anneke had scampered over in Leah's wake. Not that they didn't both like the youngest member of the crew, but she just had SO MUCH energy that sometimes it could be exhausting to be around her. Kai and Lach had been looking forward to a quiet day lounging in the sun. "Don't worry, sweetheart," the older man had whispered to him, "we'll find a beach with a volleyball game, or windsurfing or something and get her signed up. Then we—" he indicated the two of them and Leah, "We can sip from drinks with umbrellas and watch from a distance."

"You sound like you've been here before."

"This planet? No, Love. But I did grow up planetside, on a world with oceans, living on the coast. I know a bit about beaches. And while they can be different colours, different textures, different temperatures, throughout the universe, there are a lot of constants. And beach volleyball and drinks with umbrellas are two of them."

* * *

_**A girl in a bikini is like having a loaded pistol on your coffee table - There's nothing wrong with them, but it's hard to stop thinking about it.**_

_**--Garrison Keillor**_

The dirt path Avi, Liza, Carsten and Roberta followed wound through lush jungle filled with fragrant flowers brightly coloured serenading birds. They turned a corner and found themselves on a wide, golden beach. Fellow vacationers dotted the shore, but there were plenty of wide empty swaths of soft warm sand. The quartet stood, mouths gaping. None had ever imagined that there could be such a beautiful place in the universe.

Carsten was the first to speak.

"Looks like the changing rooms are over there." He pointed. "Roberta? Are you up for surfing? There's a place teaching lessons over there too."

Roberta glanced in the direction he indicated.

"Sounds great. You guys up for it?"

Avi shook his head. "I think I'll watch and see how you guys do first. I," he hesitated, reluctant to admit yet another weakness in front of Liza. "I'm not that great a swimmer."

"Me either," Liza chimed in. "I'd sink like a log. I'm going wading, but that's about it. I stay where my feet touch the bottom."

They headed for the changing rooms. Roberta and Carsten finished changing and headed for the surf school. Avi emerged to find that Liza was still in the cabana and settled himself on a bench under a tree to wait.

In the tented room, Liza stared in the mirror, again amazed by the transformation. Carefully, she settled the hairpiece on her head.

"Well," she muttered to herself, "it's now or never." Taking a deep breath, she pushed aside the curtain and emerged onto the beach.

Avi's attention was on a tiny jewel coloured bird when Liza emerged, but he caught movement out of the corner of his eye and turned his head. What he saw took his breath away. None of his fantasies came anywhere close to how magnificent Liza looked striding across the sand towards him. It wasn't until she approached him that he saw the uncertainty in her eyes. He met her gaze with a huge admiring smile.

"Wow!"

"You're not so bad yourself, Spacer." Her eyes slid approvingly over his taut abdomen and firm muscles. He grinned back at her. "I look like I've been living in a cave."

She eyed his olive skin critically. "You're actually the one who DOESN'T look like you've been in space your whole life. And you look great in that suit."

"All credit for that goes to my fashion consultant. But seriously, Liza—you look really beautiful. You take my breath away."

She flashed him a blinding smile. "Really?"

"Really. I think you're the most beautiful woman I've ever seen." He glanced around.

"Looks a lot less crowded that way down the beach. Want to see if we can find a spot to spread our towels?"

"Sounds great." She paused. "You know, it's only because of you that I can wear this suit today. Otherwise, I'd be tending burns all over my body. No beach for me."

"I'm the one who poured the coffee on you in the first place."

But she shook her head.

"THAT was an accident. It could have happened to anyone. But having the presence of mind to get me to the infirmary and start stripping off of my clothes--that's what saved me. And that was no accident."

Avi stood, and held out his hand. "This way, m'lady."

Liza took his hand and held it warmly. Side by side they ambled down the beach.

"I've read about beaches," Avi said idly, "but I always figured people were making up how—how wonderful they were."

"I've never seen an ocean like this either. Some lakes and pond, but never…"

"And those falafels. Do you suppose Lach can figure out how to make those on the ship?"

"He's going to have to figure out how to do that flat bread too. Lunch was delicious. Thanks for finding that place."

"I just followed the captain's directions."

"You're the only one who thought to ask."

He gave her hand a brief squeeze. All of the reasons he couldn't get involved with Liza were still there, but somehow, at that moment, none of them seemed very important. The only things that mattered were the sun on his shoulders, the gentle breeze on his skin, the sounds the waves lapping on he shore, and the woman walking at his side.

"Can you believe that there are people who LIVE in places like this, Liza?"

"I'm sure they have problems just like the rest of us."

"Oh, I'm sure, but when things are tough, they can come out somewhere like here, and go for a walk along the water. It even SMELLS good here."

Liza thought about that. She wasn't sure she'd EVER been anywhere that actually _smelled_ good before and she said as much to her companion.

"Me either. Do you suppose you get used to it after awhile? Take it for granted?"

"Probably. That seems to be human nature."

"Liza, I don't know what's going to happen with us, but I promise you—I'll never take you for granted."

"And that's another promise I'm going to hold you to, Avi."

* * *

**_The sky broke like an egg into full sunset and the water caught fire._**

**_--Pamela Hansford Johnson_**

Kam lounged against his lover in a chaise set up on the beach, a cold fruity drink in his hand, watching the sun slide closer and closer to the water's surface.

"I chose which port we landed at based entirely on which has the best sunset into the ocean," Jack whispered in his ear. "Sunsets over land or behind mountains can be spectacular too, but for your first time, I wanted you to see it over the sea."

At that point, Kam wouldn't have cared if they were watching the sun set over a garbage dump. It had already been such a perfect day! They'd wandered the market, sampling snacks and lingering over wares. Jack bought him a swimsuit and soft woven cover, a warm sweater, shoes Jack called "flip flops" and a rock that glowed purple when the person holding it was happy. He steered Kam clear of a pet shop hawking the most wonderful singing fuzzballs despite the younger man's clear yearning. "You thought the beetles were bad, Cariad? They've got nothing on tribbles. You really want a pet? Maybe we can get you another flying lizard somewhere. Smaller this time, and less apt to eat people. Or maybe a dog." Sure having an animal on a space ship could be challenging, but nothing, Jack figured, compared to keeping a pterodactyl in the middle of 21st century Cardiff.

From the market, they'd walked down a sandy path dappled with sunlight to an azure cove and Jack's suits-optional beach. Scattered with little pockets of people, the broad expanse was widely unpopulated and it took little for Jack to convince Kam to strip down once they'd found a place well removed from any of the other beach goers.

There had been a pool at the Red House, and servers were expected to be strong swimmers, to be able to accommodate the demands of clients, in and out of the water, but Kam had never been swimming for the sake of swimming before, never been in salt water, never experienced an effervescent ocean. Jack laughed at the expression of sheer bliss that spread across Kam's face when he lowered himself fully into the water the first time.

"I take it the water's fine," he commented. Kam had held out a hand without opening his eyes.

"Come join me and see for yourself."

* * *

_**All you really need is love, but a little chocolate now and then doesn't hurt.**_

_**--Charles Schulz**_

It would have been impossible for Jimmy Smeed to identify one thing he loved most about Anna Raynor, but he was certainly aware of a number of characteristics which set her apart from other women he'd known. For one thing, with Anna, what you saw was what you got. Never had he met anyone so free of artifice. Reserved she might be, but even then entirely honest. She didn't flirt, or play a role, or pretend to be other than what she was. She was also an adult, and on the Bonny Welshman real adults had been few and far between. For decades Jack had crewed the ship with kids, delinquents, toughs. Not hardened criminals, but more than a few who had certainly been headed that direction. And in retrospect, he and Jack had done little to alter their course. The current crew was different, of course. Besides Anna, Liza, Lach and An Cho all had a little living under their belts, plus now Julian Kyle, who seemed to be settling in as a member of the crew. It was nice to sometimes have an actual adult conversation. Anna was well read too. Not many people on the fringes of space were as well read as Jim Smeed was after thirty years of association with Jack Harkness, but Anna was. Not that the rest of their shipmates weren't reading. Jim was actually finding it quite amusing to watch how eagerly the kids on the crew were diving into the library. His old friends Dickens, Conrad and Melville were making the rounds as if they were some popular vid on the inner planets. But Jack had that kind of influence on people. And he was coming to recognize that Kam did too. He'd watched the others following his lead in so many ways, from clothing and grooming to the way they comported themselves. Whoever would have guessed that that scared skinny kid hanging out in the space dock shadows looking for day labour, the pariah of the last Welshman's crew, that waif who'd so reminded him of himself, that that boy would have such natural leadership skills?

All of which were amongst the first officer's idle musings on how dramatically his life had changed over the last year as he ambled down a cobblestone street banked with little galleries and shops, hand in hand with the woman who represented the largest change.

"Penny for them?"

Her words startled him from his reverie and he realized she'd been studying him intently. He supposed the range of emotions flitting across his face would have been a little hard to interpret.

"What's a penny?"

"No idea. It's just an old expression. A way to ask what someone's thinking."

"I think Dickens talks about pennies."

"We could research it when we get back to the ship.

"Or we could just ask Jack."

"The Captain? Why would he know when we don't?"

"He knows that sort of stuff. But to answer your question—I really wasn't thinking about anything. Just letting my mind wander and enjoying the moment."

She squeezed his hand appreciatively

"Anything particular you wanted to do while we're here, Jimmy?"

"The only thing I wanted was to spend the time with you. Away from everyone else."

"Feeling a bit antisocial today?"

"Not at all. It's just—the _Bonny Welshman_ is a VERY small ship. It's not often I have the opportunity to do ANYTHING not closely observed by my crew. I wanted that today, with you. Like the Captain said, just a guy and his girl."

"I'll let you in on a secret, Spacer—this girl? She's a sure thing. All SHE wants is to be with YOU. So what did you want to do today?"

"Well, I have heard about this place…"

"Yeah?" she prompted.

"It's in the middle of the jungle, a clearing with a pool and a waterfall. It's supposed to be—beautiful. What do you think?"

"Let's go."

First, though, they picked up tidbits of this and that in the market, putting together a picnic of delicacies. And while Anna was perusing a fruit stand, Jim found a bottle of a champagne Jack had introduced him to and tucked it and a couple of flutes away in his pack.

The path into the jungle was banked with sweet smelling brightly coloured flowers, filtered sunlight dappled bright green leaves. Butterflies flitted across the path in front of them, birds serenaded from the tree tops, and somewhere just out of view a tribe of monkeys chattered away high in the canopy.

Anna gave a deep contented sigh.

"Could any place be more perfect?" And just at that moment, the path curved around a copse of trees and opened up into a small clearing, complete with the promised crystal clear pool and murmuring waterfall.

"Well, how about this?" Smeed replied with a twinkle in his eye.

"Breath taking," she sighed softly.

A small metal table with two chairs was set off to one side of the pond and Smeed made his way over to set their food on the table.

"When you said you would get naked with me, did you mean it? Because I can't think of a better place in the universe for skinny dipping."

"You couldn't keep me out of that water if you tried."

"And the other bit?"

"Oh, Jimmy! I seem to have forgotten my swimming togs!" she relied with the breathy expression of a classic fem fatale.

"And I," he replied, moving towards her, "have died and gone to heaven…"

* * *

_**A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.**_

_**--Mignon McLaughlin**_

Jack Harkness stood behind his partner on the observation deck, with a clear view of the gangway, waiting for his crew to come straggling in. He and Kam had come back after the sunset, picking up dinner from a stand on the way back, just in case any other members of the crew decided to return early. The Judoon guards carefully checked Jack and Kam's retinal scans against the record that they'd taken when they registered the ship at the port before allowing them back onboard.

"I think we have time for a shower and dinner before anyone else will be back," he suggested to Kam, who acquiesced immediately, looking down at the sandy trail they were leaving in the corridor.

"By the time everyone tracks through here, it's going to take us weeks to get all the sand out," he observed.

"Worth it, though?"

"You bet. Every grain."

They showered leisurely, playfully, lovingly, then ate spicy fried vegetable pies standing by the counter while clad only in towels before dressing and heading for the observation deck. Jack had offered to keep the vigil by himself, knowing his partner was exhausted after a day in the sun and ocean, but Kam had given him such a look of disbelief he'd dropped it. And so he stood, with his lover in front of him, wrapped in his arms, watching his crew come back in weary groups. The last time he's stood this vigil, the man with him now had been the first to come limping back, holding fractured ribs, bleeding from internal tears. Less than a year—how very much Jack's life had changed in that time. And wordlessly, he pulled Kamden Anders just that little bit tighter into his arms.

* * *

_**There is no problem so big it cannot be run away from.**_

_**Charles M. Schulz**_

The Captain had given the night shift four hours to sleep before reporting for duty, and four hours and ten minutes after the last stragglers had traipsed up the gangway, the_ Bonny Welshman_ lifted off from Florana. Weary, sunburned crewmen manned their stations, and if the banter was less lively than usual, the smiles were broader. James Smeed too had joined them on the bridge for lift-off, and Jack cast him a glance.

"And now, old friend, back to the business of salvage and getting the Empire off of our tail. Any new ideas?"

The first officer shook his head, but with a smile. "We'll figure it out, Jackie. We always do."


	44. Chapter 44

_**Give me love, give me peace on earth, **_

_**give me light, give me life, **_

_**keep me free from birth, **_

_**give me hope, help me cope, **_

_**with this heavy load, **_

_**trying to, touch and reach you **_

_**with, heart and soul.**_

_**--George Harrison**_

Roberta stared at the other engineer in disbelief.

"What the hades are you talking about?" She'd not intended to intrude on his privacy, but the_ Welshman_ was in position to have a particularly good view of a nebula she'd been interested in, and she'd been so intent on seeing it that she'd been on the observation deck gazing through the huge port for a good three minutes before she even became aware of Buddy's presence on the couch behind her. And when she'd asked why he was lurking there, the answer she expected was anything other than the one she received.

"She's involved with Kam, I tell you!"

"Are you crazy? Have you ever seen the way Kam looks at the captain? The way the captain looks at him? Besides, there's no way that Kam would have gotten involved with someone without mentioning SOMETHING about it to me. Absolutely no way."

Her words appeared to have no impact on the big man's misery.

"I've seen them together. I've seen him hug her. I know she goes to their cabin sometimes."

"So do the doctor and Mr. Smeed. Think they're involved too?"

He looked at her blankly.

"Well, they are."

She rolled her eyes.

"Not with each other, Buddy. With the Captain and Kam."

"No, of course not"

"Why are you so sure? How is that different from Anneke? I've seen the way she watches you. She sure isn't looking at Kam that way. Do you want me to talk to her?"

"Roberta, there's nothing you say," he answered desperately. "She just isn't interested. And if she thought I was continuing to pursue this after she told me she just wanted to be friends—it's not respectful. And I don't want to lose our friendship on top of the rest."

Roberta eyed him sceptically. She was sure there was more to the feelings of the youngest member of the crew than Buddy believed, but she'd honor his wishes and not address it directly. Didn't mean, though, that she couldn't fish around…


	45. Chapter 45

_**What occasions **_**the**_** greater part of the world's quarrels?**_

_**Simply this: Two minds meet and do not understand each other in time enough**_

_**to prevent any shock of surprise at the conduct of either party.**_

_**--John Keats**_

"Leah? Can I talk to you?"

Despite her previous failure to find solitude on the Observation Deck, Ali had returned there, unable to find any place else on the ship where she was less likely to be discovered or disturbed. Passing Buddy on his way out as she arrived, she had had the deck to herself, at least for a while. The_ Welshman_ was a very small ship, and provided little opportunity for privacy. She was avoiding her cabin, thinking that it was the most likely place for Tom to look for her. She seemed to have underestimated him.

"Tom."

"I've been looking for you everywhere."

She gave him a pointed look. "Maybe that should have told you something."

"Listen, I know you're still angry, and you have every right to be, but I really am truly sorry, and I'm hoping you'll let me explain, to apologize. If at the end you still want me to leave you alone, I'll do my best to stay out of your way. As much as I'm able on this tin can. But please, won't you hear me out? I hated watching you go off on shore leave with Kai and Lach when the only thing I wanted was to explore the planet with you. I think we had a good thing going, and I'd really like to try to save it."

Blinking back tears in her suddenly watery eyes, she made room for him on the couch.

"You really hurt my feelings."

"I know I did."

"I'm not involved with Avi. I wouldn't do that; he wouldn't do that to you either. And besides that, I'm in love with you, you idiot."

"I do know that too, Leah. I guess I—I'm still not sure what someone as great as you are is doing with a guy like me. Sometimes I get scared that I've imagined it all, or that you're going to wake up one day and realize that I'm nothing much and…" Tears welled in his eyes as well, and he swiped an angry hand across them.

"Tom, I can't swear to you that we're going to be together forever. I can't see into the future. But I can tell you that you ARE quite something, and if our relationship ever does end, it won't be because I'm cheating on you or going behind your back about something. But when something is bothering you, bothering either or us, we HAVE to be able to sit down and talk about it. I've been thinking about our fight, and I realize that that was what you were trying to do. The way I reacted, that was as big a part of the problem as what you suspected. Buddy helped me to sort that out."

"Oh, Leah! It wasn't your fault at all!"

"Of course it was. It takes two people to have a fight. But I love you, and I'm tired to crying myself to sleep at night. I'm still a little angry, but I miss you more than I'm mad at you."

"I just miss you," he said baldly, desperately.


	46. Chapter 46

_**It's my rule never to lose me temper till it would be detrimental to keep it.**_

_**--Sean O'Casey**_

Afterwards, An Cho couldn't figure out what had happened. One minute she was at her station, doing her job, trying to forget what day it was, and the next she was yelling at the captain. Where her infamous self-control had gone, she had no idea. Maybe it was the return of sleepless nights. Like his birthday, the anniversary of the day she gave him up wrecked havoc on her soul.

She'd been working, trying to focus on her job, tuning out everything else on the bridge, when she realized that the captain had been calling her name, apparently for some time.

"Ms. Cho? Do you have those frequencies?" he asked insistently.

"Just a bloody minute! I was—"She turned white, realizing what she'd just done, knowing that such insubordination was grounds for firing, and despite everything, she _so _didn't want to lose her position on the_ Welshman_. "I'm sorry, Captain. I didn't, I don't…" She glanced down at her screen and found to her amazement that someone had sent the information the captain was looking for to her monitor. "I have them here." She recited the list, her brain popping with unanswered questions. Quickly she glanced around. From across the bridge, Julian Kyle winked at her.

"Thank you, Ms. Cho. As you were." And Harkness turned his attention away from her. An blinked. Could that really be it? She had been insubordinate, had yelled at the Captain. Surely he wasn't going to let that go! And yet, that seemed to be his intention. The only time he addressed her during the rest of the shift was when he walked up behind her while everyone else was occupied and said softly, "Don't worry about it, Ms. Cho. Just do your job. Everything's fine."


	47. Chapter 47

_**Respect cannot be learned, purchased, or acquired; it can only be earned.**_

– _**Anonymous **_

It was Julian Kyle who grabbed the chair opposite An Cho at breakfast. She'd been afraid, when the captain entered the dining hall alone, that _he_ might take advantage of her sitting alone to pursue a private conversation, but Kam Anders bounded into the room close on the Captain's heels, and, coffees in hand, they'd headed together to their regular table across the room. An was still tracking their progress when she was startled by the invasion of the newest member of the crew.

"Now, what's a lovely lady like you doing sitting here all by yourself on this gorgeous morning? Or evening, or whatever you want to call it. In any case, it's too nice a day for you to be sitting alone."

"Every day is the same on a ship. There's no weather."

"I don't have the opportunity to have breakfast with you every day. That makes it beautiful."

"I want to thank you for giving me the information on the bridge earlier," she said softly, ignoring his flirtation, "but is there something I can do for you?"

He looked at her, puzzled.

"You sat down with me. You must have had a purpose in doing so."

"Company to eat with isn't good enough?"

"It would be, if I believed that's what you were after."

He sighed, dramatically.

"Okay, yeah, I was hoping to talk about what happened earlier on the bridge. I've known Jack a long time. He's a good man, An Cho. I know there's something about him that you really don't like, but you need to cut him some slack. He's building something here, and it may not be done yet, but so far it's damned nice. He's a fair leader, and a generous employer. I know he's not perfect, but in my whole life I've never met anyone better. And I've met a lot of people."

"Better at what?"

He rolled his eyes. "Not what you're thinking. Jack and I don't have that kind of relationship, just a good friendship. He's always been sort of a mentor to me."

That struck Cho as odd, as Kyle and Harkness seemed to be roughly of an age, Kyle probably a few years older. Besides looking a bit alike. But then Jack did have sort of that—thing. The thing that was turning her hatred of a man who had bought another into grudging respect of everything else about him. She supposed that might be something one was born with.


	48. Chapter 48

_**When solving problems, dig at the roots instead of just hacking at the leaves.**_

_**--Anthony J. D'Angelo**_

Jack reconvened a gathering of his command crew in his quarters.

"It was Kam who asked the pertinent questions," he began, an announcement which startled his lover but didn't surprise anyone else in the room.

"He wanted to know how the Empire knew we had the artefact. So I started thinking.

One possibility is that they had set up surveillance on the ship, but that didn't make any sense because if they'd gotten there first, all they needed to do was retrieve the artefact. They seemed to be much more knowledgeable about it than we are. Similarly, I couldn't see how anyone on the_ Welshman_ could have tipped them off—we didn't know we had it, and if we had had a spy on board who knew about the object, again there is no member of the crew who wouldn't have had multiple opportunities just take it."

"So, how?" asked Anna. "If they didn't see us, and no one told them, how did they know?"

"I think they were tracking the object, and got to the ship after we'd been there. They would have torn the ship apart making sure the object wasn't still there, and we didn't do anything to prevent someone coming behind us from knowing we'd been there. It was a legitimate uncomplicated salvage job. Heck, I did everything short of leaving my calling card."

Anna looked at him puzzled.

"Your what?"

But Julian and James had moved on with the narrative.

"So they got there, tore the ship apart, couldn't find it, realized that we'd already salvaged the ship…"

"And once they figured out that we must have it…"

"How did they know about it to begin with?"

"Well, it's occurred to me that it may have been in the hands of an Empire operative, in which case they very well may have known he was bringing it in."

"But when the ship caught fire…"

"He died, along with everyone else."

Everyone fell silent for a moment. Few things scared spacers more than the idea of a fire on a ship.

"Seems like a plausible scenario, but it doesn't answer the biggest question."

"Which is what?"

"What the hell do we do now? I mean, the object may be destroyed, but the Empire doesn't know that."

"Have we gone back through the rest of the things from that cabin? Might be something we overlooked that might help support our theory."

"And if there is?"

"Maybe it'll give us some idea how to get the GHBE off of our back so that at some point we can someday return to charted space, if we want to."


	49. Chapter 49

_**You gain strength, courage, and confidence**_

_**by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face.**_

_**You must do the thing which you think you cannot do.**_

_**--Eleanor Roosevelt**_

An hesitated outside the Captain's office door. She shouldn't be there. She shouldn't bother him with her personal problems, he was the _Captain_. She was nobody, just someone who worked for him. _Someone who __**likes**__ working for him,_ she told herself. The best way to get herself removed from service was to start being a bother, to become more trouble than she was worth.

But over the last few weeks…the last few months… she'd seen _so much_. It wasn't just his assurance that his door was always open—lots of superior officers said that. None of them ever meant it, it was just something people said…

Harkness meant it. She was sure he did. Otherwise he wouldn't treat people the way he did. He wouldn't treat her or the rest of the crew with the kind of respect he did... _he wouldn't act like he cared so damned much. _More than acted. He did care. He had to. And it was screwing with her perception of the universe. It was making her want to believe that he was right, that someday things _would _get better, even though he couldn't possibly know that for sure. _But when he says it…_ when he told her that things would change, that someday the Empire really would be Great and Bountiful, he sounded so sure of himself. He sounded like he'd seen it, like he'd been there.

And that was impossible.

Jack Harkness was impossible. He was inspiring her to want to believe in impossible things. Trust. Hope. And after losing her cool and yelling at him on the bridge… She really needed to explain. Something.

An took a breath, let it out, and hit the small button next to the door to sound the chime inside the Captain's office before she could change her mind and bolt. She might have hoped he wasn't there except that she knew full well that he was…

"Come in!" he bellowed from the other side of the door, only a moment later.

She felt her heart catch in her throat, cold fear, at the sound of his voice. Not that he sounded any different than he ever did…but he was the Captain. She worked for him and if there was one thing she knew about the universe was that those below didn't fraternize, didn't trust, didn't talk to those above. Yes, Sir. No, Sir. Yes, Ma'am. No, Ma'am. That was the extent of the conversation she should have with the Captain or his First Officer. She knew her place.

"Hello?" came the Captain's voice again.

She needed to very quickly come up with some excuse for bothering him…

_My door is always open…_

An hit the pressure plate under the chime.

Harkness looked up from… paperwork? _**Paper**_ work.

He was scowling.

"I'm sorry to disturb you, Sir," she began, her mind racing frantically for something, _anything_, she could use as an excuse she could use for the intrusion, even a bad excuse. Maybe his door really was open and maybe it wasn't, but she shouldn't be there. He was the Captain. She was _just_ somebody who worked for him. He was clearly busy…

The Captain rose to his feet. "Are you kidding?" he shoved the papers off to one side. "You're doing me a favour, saving me from this heap!" He beamed at her.

An blinked.

"Have a seat," he motioned towards the two chairs that sat opposite his desk. "Can I get you anything?"

"No, Sir. Thank you," she wasn't sure, but she thought she was being made to feel even _more_ awkward by his broad smile and gracious manner. Those weren't things she was used to out of a Captain. Still, she sat, smoothing the fabric of her trousers, perching on the edge of the cushion. The chair, like most of the furniture aboard the _ Welshman_ was old, well worn, but in good repair.

An watched the Captain warily as he moved from behind his desk… he wasn't unaware of the way she was watching him, either.

"What can I do for you?" Jack asked; he slipped his hands into his trouser pockets as he leant back against the desk. She looked nervous.

She cleared her throat. She didn't meet his gaze. She hadn't come up with any even remotely plausible excuses for her visit…

"Ms Cho?"

"An. That is… it's all right… if you want to call me An…" she floundered. He was the Captain. He could call her anything he wanted, he was just polite enough not to breach the pretences of civility on which society operated.

"An," he seemed to smile…but she didn't understand his smile half the time. "Is…is there something you wanted… or…?" he let the question trail off.

She cleared her throat again. "I just… you said… you said your door was open, Sir…"

"It is. Only it's Jack."

She swallowed. "Jack. I don't think I've ever called a superior officer by their first name, Sir. I was just taught… the division between you… a Captain… the crew…"

He perched himself a little more comfortably. "I still expect you to follow my orders on the bridge. Out there," he nodded in the general direction of the exterior of the ship, the space beyond. "And I hope the reason you're here now is that I've earned a little bit of trust."

"It's hard to trust somebody—anybody," she admitted, her heart pounding in her ears. Even if it was the truth, it wasn't the sort of thing the Captain should want to hear. "It's hard to hope… to believe in anything better—not that you don't give your crew the best…the best everything… you're a decent person to work for."

He smirked, he couldn't help it. "I'm glad you think so." Then, in a more sincere tone, he told her, "I try. I've seen so much… so much suffering…hurt… so much misery out here. It won't always be like this. It won't change in your lifetime, but it will change," he promised, not for the first time.

She nodded. It wouldn't change in _her_ lifetime… not 'ours', not _his_… but his secrets were his own. Whatever they were, whatever _**he**_ was, she could only assume it was the real reason he wasn't like everybody else. She didn't mind the idea of working for an alien. Frankly, as far as she'd seen, the human race wasn't all that great anyway.

An hadn't even noticed him get up and pour a tumbler full of amber liquid, she just saw the glass in front of her face. "I…" she gave him a speculative look.

"It's brandy. You looked like you could use it," he told her. His tone was kind. He had a glass of the same amber liquid for himself as well; it didn't look as if it was any more (or less) full than the one he'd handed her.

She took an experimental sip. It burned, but the flavour wasn't unpleasant. It was…sweet…

"I've got something a little lighter…"

"This is fine. Thank you, Sir."

"Jack."

"Jack," she echoed.

He sat down next to her.

She drank a little more brandy. The second sip went down smoother, warmed her a bit. She met his gaze, his blue eyes. "It's… I guess… I wanted to explain myself," she said at last.


	50. Chapter 50

_**Hope never abandons you; you abandon it.**_

_**--George Weinberg**_

After making her statement about wanting to explain, An had fallen silent. Initially, Jack had waited, but the silence dragged on. And on. And on. As she sipped her brandy. Finally he decided he'd waited long enough.

"I was a little surprised when you accepted a long-term contract on the _Welshman_. I half-expected you to take the money and run," he commented idly, mostly to make conversation, to try to get her words flowing again.

"I nearly did. I intended to. But there wasn't anything for me back on Omega either, so…"

"Life on the _Bonny Welshman_ is so bad that it was a toss-up between serving on her and going back to Omega?"

"What? No. The ship is—he's wonderful. The crew is the best I've ever served with. And even when I shared a room with Liza, the crews' quarters were cosy and roomy. Compared to any other ship I've been on. That day when we all got in the brawl on Omega? And tossed in the brig? And you bailed us out? That may have been the best day in my life." She thought back to the day her son had been born and amended her answer. "One of the best ones, anyway."

"So, you find me a decent person to work for, you like the ship, you like the crew. Is it the work, then? I know it's hardly what you trained for—not a huge call for a communications officer most of the time, although when we need you we REALLY need you. Are you bored?"

She stared at him, the absurdity of her situation suddenly striking her. Here she was, on a tiny salvage ship in uncharted space, on the run from the GBHE, a million miles from ANYWHERE, and the captain was asking about her JOB SATISFACTION? She choked back a giggle.

"Bored?" she finally managed to utter. "No, sir, I'm not bored."

"So what was it that made you reluctant to accept my offer?"

An took a sip of the fiery brandy and looked away from the captain, looked everywhere else, finally settling on staring at the floor.

"I didn't want to serve with you. Work for you. Be on your ship. I've tried very hard to hate you, sir."

Harkness sat back, pole axed. Certainly over the centuries there had been plenty of people to whom he had done some injury, who had reason to wish him ill, but for the life of him (and in Jack's case, that was _a lot_) he couldn't remember having ever done harm to An Cho.

"To hate me?"

"Yes, sir. But it's been very hard. On this ship you have truly behaved as a man of honour. You've been fair. More than fair. You've treated me well. It's hard to hate someone who treats you well. Especially in a world where so few people do."

Jack still stared at her, utterly perplexed.

"But you were still determined to hate me."

"I've tried very hard."

"Because I've done something to harm you in some way?" he prodded. She remained quiet, staring at the floor.

"Ms. Cho!"

That lifted her head, even if it didn't loosen her tongue.

"Would you PLEASE at least do me the courtesy of letting me know what the hell it is that I did to make you want to hate me so very much?" Jack demanded gently.

For one brief moment, a rapidly rising wave of fury, fury on that anniversary of the biggest mistake of her life overwhelmed An's natural reticence.

"You bought a human being!"

That stopped Jack cold. He stopped, blinking at her in confusion.

"I-- What?"

"Mr. Anders! You bought him!"

"I did no such thing!"

"I heard…" and then she paused, because the Captain was looking at her with such a perplexed look on his face that she could almost believe that he didn't know what she was talking about. In a calmer voice, she continued, "I heard you bought his contract from the Red House."

Jack's expression cleared with comprehension.

"And all this time, the issue you've had with me is because you thought I BOUGHT Kam?"

"Didn't you?"

"No."

"But…"

"I DID pay off his contract, but not to OWN him. I told you before: he's my partner, my friend, my lover. Not my property. Not anyone's property. Kam was hired to pilot the ship by Mr. Smeed, just like the rest of the crew. He was already here, already a member of my crew when I paid off the contract to free him from legal entanglements, and he's paying me back. That's separate from my relationship with him. Ms. Cho, I _HATE_ the Red Houses. I would NEVER do business with one, other than to get someone out of their clutches."

She sat suddenly, stunned by the possibilities running through her head, by the lost time, the lost opportunities.

"Ms. Cho?" The Captain looked into her face, a concerned expression on his.

"You hate the Red Houses? You LOANED Kam money to get free from them?"

"Well, I would have given him the money—I was well on the way to being in love with him by then--but he refused to take it unless I let him pay me back."

"You didn't buy him?"

"The Red Houses might see it differently, but no, I didn't."

"And if you knew of someone else in a similar situation?"

"I'd do anything I could do to help."

His expression was becoming increasingly perplexed.

"Ten months," she said to herself, in amazement and despair. "I've wasted ten months!"

"Ms. Cho?"

She looked up at him, a pleading expression transforming her face.

"Captain, I need your help. Please tell me that you'll help me get back my son!"

"Your son?"

"I—we were –we had nothing. Not even enough to eat. He was so tiny, a little boy. I had to do something. He was starving! They said that they'd put him to work sweeping up, serving drinks. Nothing else. He wasn't old enough. I used the money to get my Proper Certification. But it didn't all go the way I expected. It took longer. And when I went to get him, they told me I was too late! They'd already sold his contract! I don't know who bought him or where he went. I used all the money I'd saved to buy his contract to search for him. I lost my Proper Certification because I broke a contract to follow a lead, a lead that went nowhere. I wouldn't sign on for long-term assignments. When Pete suggested signing on with the_ Welshman_, I had given up. I was at the end of my rope. I took the job because it was that or ending it all. Captain, please—help me find my son!"

With a mental "clunk" the answers to a million questions about An Cho slotted into place in Jack Harkness' brain. All of the inconsistencies suddenly made sense. He thought about Alice, about Jason, about Seren, about how he would have felt if one of them had disappeared and he couldn't find him or her, about how desperate he would have been to even consider passing one of them into someone else's care. Not that he ever could have, even if Ianto would have let him (not a chance in the world!), but he did have a sense of how bleak life would have had to have looked to even consider it.

"Tell me everything you know about him, where he is, what we might use to track him. We'll see what we can do."

Two hours later, Harkness had transferred all of Cho's detailed information, every lead she'd followed, every blind alley she'd trudged down, every name, every address of her near decade long search from her remarkable memory onto paper. Actual paper.

"Don't worry—no one will ever see any of this without your permission," he told her as he filed it away under lock and eye. An looked away from him, unable to meet his eye as she asked her last question.

"Captain, you're going to tell Kam, aren't you?"

"An, you very well _know_ I don't keep secrets from him."

_How was it that the answer she most dreaded was also the only answer that could reassure her that she'd made the right choice in confiding in Harkness?_

"He's going to despise me!"

To be fair, Jack hadn't quite figured out how he was going to present Ms. Cho's predicament to his partner in a way he'd accept in a positive light.

"He—Obviously, this is a topic that Kam might have some trouble being objective about. But he _knows_ you. And I've never met a more kind and generous soul. His reaction, well, he might surprise both of us."

~FIN~


End file.
